Tear-gassed protesters discover face masks don’t work
PORTLAND—Thousands of tear-gassed protesters from across the country are discovering that their face masks don't work when they get a...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Nike makes sweatshop workers work overtime to stitch ‘Equality’ on NBA jerseys
BEAVERTON, OR—Nike has agreed to force its thousands of sweatshop workers to work overtime for free in order to stitch...
Joe Biden agrees to three televised debates with Barron Trump
Presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden has agreed to three televised debates with Barron Trump, President Trump's youngest son. Biden...
BREAKING: Mayor Lightfoot outlaws shooting people in Chicago
Following increased violence in Chicago with record killings recently, Mayor Lori Lightfoot has decided to take unprecedented measures to protect...
2020 The Movie: cast interviews
Truth is stranger than fiction, so it stands to reason that the best fictional movie of 2020 is a documentary...
Walmart requires face masks to keep their customers healthy
BENTONVILLE, AR—Walmart will require customers at all of its US stores to wear masks beginning next week in order to...
Congress passes bill to enslave everyone today to pay reparations for slavery 200 years ago
WASHINGTON DC—Congress has passed a bill to enslave all current living Americans to pay $6.2 quadrillion to descendants of slaves...
New Yorkers forced to shoplift bread hidden in shoe boxes to feed their kids
In a recent Zoom townhall, US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez said the recent uptick in crime in New York City including...
CDC admits to using Common Core math to add up new COVID cases
ATLANTA—The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have admitted to using Common Core math to add up new COVID...
Newsom mandates leather face masks so Californians can literally lick boots while being bootlickers
SACRAMENTO—Gov. Gavin Newsom has issued a statewide order mandating that all Californians wear leather face masks while in public or...
