Santa Claus hopes to make it down 50% more chimneys after a year on keto diet
Claus has been very effective at his annual gift-giving spree Christmas Eve, but this year may be the best year...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Greta Thunberg has been named Time’s Puppet of the Year for 2019
16-year-old Swedish environmental activist Greta Thunberg has been named Time's Puppet of the Year for 2019. The magazine said that...
Elizabeth Warren will wear scarf drenched with the blood of aborted fetuses to her inauguration
Massachusetts senator and Democrat presidential contender Elizabeth Warren told a crowd during a campaign stop Monday that she intends to...
BREAKING: First living turd named Time Person of the Year
Chet, climate activist abd Congress's first living turd, has been name Time Magazine's Person of the Year for 2019. "He...
Trump creates single-payer Dept. of Movies with a max actor salary of $50,000 a year
In response to consistent pleas for socialist policies from Hollywood actors, President Trump has created a Soviet-style single-payer Department of...
BREAKING: Nadler rushed to hospital for heart attack; cured by loosening belt buckle
Representative Jerrold Nadler who has been a key player in the impeachment of Donald Trump was rushed to the hospital...
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez unveils plan for free 100% renewable electricity for all
Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez announced her vision for a Green New Deal, including, shockingly, that every American must hold their breath...
BREAKING: Dozens of activists die of asphyxiation while holding breath to fight climate change
Led by Green New Deal coauthor and scientific mastermind Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, hundreds of climate activists held their breath for over...
Khan promises to ban knives ‘harder’ after latest London knife attack
London Mayor Sadiq Khan has promised to ban knives harder after the latest terrorist knife attack in London. "Killing people...
Pelosi dusts off her never-used Catholic card for press conference
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi dusted of her never-used Catholic card and presented it at a press conference regarding...
