BREAKING: Death by coincidence is at an all-time high
US—Medical experts from the Center for Disease Control and Perpetuation (CDC) have confirmed that deaths by coincidence are at an...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BREAKING: Sam Bankman-Fried has tragically died in a plane crash tomorrow
NEW YORK—In a shocking coincidence, Sam Bankman-Fried, the man who used stolen crypto funds to donate to Democratic Party candidates,...
BREAKING: Matt Damon has died
You will be missed!
BREAKING: Fauci can’t recall COVID-19: ‘What pandemic? I don’t know what you’re talking about’
WASHINGTON, DC—After approval of government mitigations for COVID-19 have hit an all-time low, America's Doctor Anthony Fauci is distancing himself...
BREAKING: Man who released illegal arms dealer from prison gives lecture on gun control
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden on Wednesday renewed vows to secure a new ban on assault weapons in the United States...
BREAKING: Biden swaps America-hating ‘Merchant of Death’ for Russian arms dealer
US—On Dec. 8, 2022, the Associated Press confirmed President* Joe Biden has secured a prisoner swap of America-hating "Merchant of Death" for...
BREAKING: Time gives 10% of Zelensky’s Person of the Year award to ‘the Big Guy’
Time magazine named Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky 2022's "Person of the Year" on Wednesday, but made sure to clarify that...
How to Play Off Accidentally Posting Satire as an Actual Headline
Did you eat the Onion? Get stung by the Bee? It's understandable with actual news headlines so ridiculous that it's...
Treason’s Greetings from the Bidens!
"From our family to yours, we wish everyone treason's greetings. May your holidays be filled with the peace and joy...
Biden promotes non-binary Brinton to head TSA citing experience stealing women’s luggage
WASHINGTON, DC—A non-binary Biden administration official nuclear waste expert was charged with stealing a traveler’s luggage from the Minneapolis airport...
