BREAKING: Biden cancels 4th of July for being transphobic
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has canceled the Fourth of July national holiday for being transphobic. "Since there were only CIS-gendered...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BREAKING: January 6 Commission to charge US Founding Fathers with ‘insurrection’; return colonies to Britain
WASHINGTON, DC—The esteemed House select committee announced it would hold a surprise hearing on July 4 to present new evidence that recently...
Zelenskyy to star in ‘Friends’ remake with all his new friends
KYIV—The actor-turned-president of Ukraine Volodomy Zelenskyy is on fire! After securing billions of dollars in his money laundering scheme from...
BREAKING: Jackson makes history as first Supreme Court justice to not know what a woman is
WASHINGTON, DC—Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson officially joined the Supreme Court on Thursday, making history as the first justice to not know what a woman...
BREAKING: Ghislaine Maxwell sentenced to 20 years for sex trafficking minors to nobody
US—British socialite turned-CIA informant turned-convicted sex-trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell finally got her due Tuesday when she was sentenced to 20 years in prison...
Amber Heard to testify to January 6 Committee that President Trump beat her up, raped her
WASHINGTON, DC—Fresh off of her defamation trial with ex-husband Johnny Depp, Amber Heard is set to testify as a "star...
Jussie Smollett testifies to Jan 6 Commission two Donald Trumps wearing MAGA hats attacked him
WASHINGTON, DC—The January 6 Commission has called "star witness" Jussie Smollett who testified under oath that two Donald Trumps wearing...
BREAKING: Jan 6 Commission releases video of Trump commandeering limo from Secret Service
WASHINGTON, DC—Then-President Donald Trump became irate and tried to grab the steering wheel of the Secret Service limousine when told...
BREAKING: Lightfoot launches new ‘drive-by abortions’ program in Chicago
CHICAGO—Democratic Mayor Lori Lightfoot led a crowd Saturday in a hate-filled chant against Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. Speaking at...
