Biden declares ‘All borders should be protected except for ours’
WASHINGTON, DC—At a press conference on the Ukraine crisis, President* Biden declared that "All borders should be protected except for...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Facebook launches new ‘vaccinated heart’ react icon complete with myocarditis
MENLO PARK, CA—Facebook, which is also known by its new name Fascbook has launched a new react button icon to...
POLL: What color should Anthony Fauci’s prison jumpsuit be?
We at Genesius Times want to make sure Dr. Fauci looks great while he's in jail for mass murder, so...
Truckers identify as illegal immigrants to sidestep Biden vaccine mandate
BALLSCOLD, MN—Canadian and Mexican truckers entering the US through their respective borders are now identifying as illegal immigrants to sidestep...
M&M’s releases new woke M&LGBTQIAM’s
HACKETSTOWN, NJ—M&M's chocolate candy is going woke with new, inclusive M&LGBTQIAM's with a unique filling: actual sh*t. Mars Wrigley Group,...
Biden taps Chelsea Clinton in top admin role
WASHINGTON, DC—Chelsea Clinton is moving up in the world. Not only is she the first openly trans daughter of a...
Newsom tackles LA train looting crisis by making cute little BLM sculpture from leftover trash
LOS ANGELES—California Governor Gavin Newsom turned lemons into lemonade today by creating a fun little "Black Lives Matter" sculpture out...
Democrats to use filibuster to keep Republicans from blocking Democrats from killing the filibuster
WASHINGTON, DC—In a clever move, Senate Democrats are planning to use the filibuster to keep Republicans from blocking the Democrats...
BREAKING: Virginia’s new governor supports full facial nudity at schools
RICHMOND, VA—Virginia's new Republican governor, Glenn Youngkin, supports full facial nudity at schools from Kindergarten up to high school, according...
Virginia’s new governor recklessly allows children to breathe freely all day
(CNN) We knew it would be bad, but we didn't know it would be this bad. Virginia's new Republican Governor...
