ALERT: Pillsbury Doughboy reported missing
MINNEAPOLIS, MN—General Mills representative and pastry enthusiast, the Pillsbury Doughboy, has been reported missing to the authorities. Police are not...
Business
Biden taps gender-neutral Potato Head as Agriculture Secretary
WASHINGTON, DC—President Biden has selected the new gender-neutral Potato Head toy as Secretary of Agriculture, enabling him to check several...
Biden to target more women in his Syrian airstrikes than any previous president
WASHINGTON, DC—Worried about claims that his first military action as commander in chief would unfairly leave out females, President Biden...
Coca-Cola unveils new logo without any white
ATLANTA—In an effort to stay ahead of the woke curve, progressive soft drink company Coca-Cola has introduced its new logo,...
AOC unveils plan to fix Texas’s energy problems
WASHINGTON, DC—US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) has suggested the answer to the near total failure of green energy in Texas...
Mike Lindell launches new company selling red pills to wake people up
MINNEAPOLIS, MN—MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell has made a lot of money helping people get the best sleep of their lives,...
Coca-Cola now requiring employees to ‘be less white’ by wearing blackface
ATLANTA—Super woke soft drink company Coca-Cola is now mandating all employees to wear blackface in order to "be less white"....
Planned Parenthood names Andrew Cuomo CEO citing his extensive experience killing people
NEW YORK—Planned Parenthood announced today the replacement of its current CEO with New York Governor Andrew Cuomo. The selection of...
Shaun King launches BLM inspired flaming pillow company
The political pillow fight just became even bigger and even more mostly peaceful.Black Lives Matter activist Shaun King announced he...
Biden signs executive order mandating Gorilla Glue face masks for all Americans
WASHINGTON, DC—Dominion-elected-President Joe Biden has already signed several executive orders as the USA transitions into a communist state. His latest...
