Mitch McConnell posts video of himself twerking to drum up support for midterms
WASHINGTON, DC—After Rhode Island state Senator Tiara Mack gained massive social reactions for posting a video of herself twerking on...
Culture
BREAKING: Biden cancels 4th of July for being transphobic
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has canceled the Fourth of July national holiday for being transphobic. "Since there were only CIS-gendered...
Zelenskyy to star in ‘Friends’ remake with all his new friends
KYIV—The actor-turned-president of Ukraine Volodomy Zelenskyy is on fire! After securing billions of dollars in his money laundering scheme from...
BREAKING: Ghislaine Maxwell sentenced to 20 years for sex trafficking minors to nobody
US—British socialite turned-CIA informant turned-convicted sex-trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell finally got her due Tuesday when she was sentenced to 20 years in prison...
Amber Heard to testify to January 6 Committee that President Trump beat her up, raped her
WASHINGTON, DC—Fresh off of her defamation trial with ex-husband Johnny Depp, Amber Heard is set to testify as a "star...
BREAKING: Lightfoot launches new ‘drive-by abortions’ program in Chicago
CHICAGO—Democratic Mayor Lori Lightfoot led a crowd Saturday in a hate-filled chant against Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. Speaking at...
Moloch to accept credit card donations for those who can’t sacrifice their babies to him anymore
US—In the wake of the Supreme Court of the United States overturning Roe v. Wade, the Canaan god Moloch, known...
BREAKING: Dozens of fat ugly women won’t have sex with you until you support killing babies
US—Following the leak of the SCOTUS decision overturning Roe v Wade, many brave and entirely unattractive feminists have taken to...
The ‘Love Wins’ crowd threatens to ‘Burn it all down’ if they can’t keep killing babies
US—The "Love Wins" crowd has threatened to "Burn it all down" if they can't keep killing babies following the Supreme...
OPINION: If you don’t like the SCOTUS decision, then you can just start your own judicial system
Ok dear reader, if I know you, and you certainly know me, then I know you are having a terrible,...
