Biden releases his 1924 New Year’s resolutions
President Biden has just released his 1924 New Year’s resolutions at a press conference today in Washington, DC. “Yes, here...
Culture
Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson Auditions for Angry Birds
CHICAGO—Mayor Brandon Johnson recently stepped into the world of mobile gaming, leaving behind the political battlegrounds of the Windy City...
On this day in 1993, Harvard President Claudine Gay wrote the songs All I Want For Christmas Is You, Silent Night, Jingle Bell Rock, and Panama
BOSTON—Harvard President Claudine Gay is not just an esteemed scholar but also the clandestine creative genius behind some of the...
Pope Francis says priests can bless Sodom & Gomorrah
In a stunning display of divine inclusivity, Pope Francis, the head of the Catholic Church, has announced a groundbreaking expansion...
Authorities add devil horns to all Founding Father statues to prevent Democrats from tearing them down
In a groundbreaking move to preemptively thwart any potential wrath from the left, authorities across the nation have embarked on...
Democrats decry homophobia: ‘It’s nobody’s business what 2 men do in the privacy of a public Senate Hearing Room’
In a stunning display of political correctness and a commitment to progressive values, Democrats have officially denounced homophobia and boldly...
SNL writers desperate for jokes, plead: ‘If only the Bidens would do something worth making fun of’
In a perplexing turn of events, the Saturday Night Live (SNL) writing team found themselves in an uncharted territory as...
We’re DINKS and we want you to know how fulfilled we are by letting you know how fulfilled we are
In a world filled with acronyms, we proudly wear the badge of DINK (Dual Income, No Kids). But we're not...
Due to public outcry, “Baby It’s Cold Outside” has been replaced with, “DaM, Bit¢h It B FreeZin!”
Many activist groups have targeted the popular winter classic "Baby It's Cold Outside" as an artifact of rape culture, citing...
Local woman discovers perfect balance between work, family, and unreachable expectations
In a stunning turn of events, local woman and self-proclaimed multitasking wizard, Karen Supermomington, has reportedly cracked the elusive code...
