Joe Biden appoints Rainbow Dildo Butt Monkey as Secretary of Education
WASHINGTON DC—Following Rainbow Dildo Butt Monkey’s grooming session at a public library, former Vice President Joe Biden appointed him head...
Culture
Confused hitman kills journalist investigating George Clinton
NEW YORK CITY—Rolling Stone journalist Vincent Brown was found dead in his apartment shortly after completing a review of Parliament...
Fauci: Conor McGregor ankle injury caused by COVID; vaccine would have saved him
The greatest medical person in history and now MMA fighting expert Doctor Anthony Fauci has made yet another ruling. The...
Prosecutors charge white lightning with hate crime after it destroyed George Floyd mural
TOLEDO, OH—Prosecutors have charged the natural phenomenon of lightning with a hate crime after it struck and destroyed a George...
BREAKING: TX House votes 76-4 to send cowboy to ‘lasso and hog tie’ fleeing Democrats
AUSTIN—The Texas House voted 76-4 Tuesday to send a rodeo cowboy to track down Democrats who left the state a...
Joe Biden in ‘The Jerk’
Move over Steve Martin! This is a role Joe Biden was born for!
First biological cheetah who identifies as a woman set to take gold at Tokyo Olympics
TOKYO—The first ever biological cheetah who identifies as a woman is set to take gold at the Tokyo Olympics next...
Biden confirms that all door-to-door vaccine-checkers will be named Karen
WASHINGTON, DC—Providing more details for the unprecedented door-to-door vaccination checkers in his new COVID vaccine plan will be named Karen....
Collector who wants to buy Hunter Biden’s piece of sh*t for $500k wants to remain anonymous
LOS ANGELES, CA—Hunter Biden is preparing to sell several piles of his own feces at an upcoming art exhibition for as...
Biden bans ‘assault Legos’ after FBI finds Capitol set at Jan 6 rioter’s home
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden on Thursday announced a ban on assault Legos after the FBI revealed they had seized a “fully...
