BREAKING: Local man creates time machine by moving clock forward 1 hour every morning
PLEASANTVILLE—Myron Slipnicks says he has traveled into the future simply by moving his clock ahead 1 hour every morning. He...
Culture
World’s most expensive whore makes largest donation in Planned Parenthood history
SEATTLE—The world's most expensive whore, MacKenzie Scott, has donated $275 million to the abortion mill nonprofit Planned Parenthood — the...
Disney CEO Chapek promises at least 2 anal sex scenes in all kids’ movies from now on
VISTA DEL MAL, CA—In a town hall meeting today, Disney CEO Bob Chapek said the entertainment behemoth would put together...
China tests new ‘Kamikaze 737’ jet with 130 Uyghurs onboard as possible Muslim ‘final solution’
SOUTH CHINA—If you are one of 12 million Chinese Uyghurs and you win a free trip to Disneyland you might...
FBI says ‘the Big Guy’ in Hunter’s emails was comedian Louie Anderson not Joe Biden
WASHINGTON, DC--Emails by the Federal Bureau of Investigation reveal explicit conversations between Hunter Biden and the comedian, Louie Anderson they...
Nuclear missile repairman #1 on 2022 Top Ten Jobs list, first time since 1957
What are the top skills employers are looking for in 2022? Genesius Times has them rated, based on a poll...
COVID-positive Barack Obama will social distance from Michelle for another 4 years
MARTHA'S VINEYARD-- After testing positive for COVID-19, former President Barack Obama says he will continue to social distance from Michelle,...
Biden Pentagon hires Jussie Smollett to fake a Russian attack on US
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has been looking for an excuse to go to war with Russia since he took office....
Tina and Amy award Genesius Times with 7 Falsies at the 4th Annual Fake News Awards
NEW YORK—Tina Fey and Amy Poehler hosted the 4th annual Fake News Awards at the Hyatt Grand Central, last night...
Miss Russia leads Ukrainian prisoners of war in festive parade to concentration camp
DONETSK, UKRAINE—In one of the few festive occasions of war, Miss Russia Helga Lavrov marched Ukrainian POW’s through Donetsk, Ukraine...
