Walmart now offering free COVID anal swabs before shopping
BENTONVILLE, AR—In the interest of making the shopping experience for everyone as safe as can be, Walmart Supercenters will now...
Culture
Plastic bags are the new double face masks
"Plastic bagging" is a sensible and easy way to virtue signal to your fashionable death Many of us who watched...
BREAKING: Vatican declares Biden a saint after he miraculously ends COVID one day in White House
VATICAN—Pope Francis has confirmed that the first beatification of a living person: US President Joe Biden after he has ended...
Oxford changes definition of ‘peaceful’ to include ‘surrounded by thousands of troops’
OXFORD, UK- Following a trend of recent changes to the famous dictionary, Oxford announced it updated the definition of 'peaceful'...
Rabbis confirm watching ‘The View’ will atone for half your sins
Rabbis from around the world have signed onto a letter stating that watching the daytime TV show ‘The View’ will...
Trump to be replaced with Biden in controversial ‘Home Alone 2’ scene
HOLLYWOOD—President Trump is losing the White House to Joe Biden. And now Trump will lose his place in “Home Alone...
Forest fire arsonist identified as Squirrel Lives Matter activist
SAN OAK, CA—Months after forest fires destroyed thousands of acres of woodland, a four-legged arsonist, Chippy Nutfield, has been arrested....
To promote gender equity, US Post Office now offering two delivery options: mail and femail
WASHINGTON, DC—The U.S. Postal Service announced that starting today, it’ll be offering two delivery options: mail and femail. “The Post...
Communist nations offer advice to US citizens transitioning to a Banana Republic
It appears that with the takeover of the Presidency by Joe Biden and Willie Brown's girlfriend, the democrat party running...
BREAKING: Pelosi threatens to revoke Trump’s Jelly of the Month Subscription
WASHINGTON, DC—Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has threatened to take away President Donald Trump's Jelly of the Month Subscription...
