BREAKING: Joe Biden gets stuck sniffing woman who used Gorilla Glue for hairspray
BATON ROUGE, LA—TikToker Tessica Brown thought she had seen the end of her problems after uploading a video in which...
Culture
Disney gives all princesses a brave makeover to fight wrongthink
VISTA DE MAL, CA—In its campaign to fight wrongthink, Disney has given all of their celebrated princesses a stunning and...
Disney fires Jabba the Hutt after controversial tweets
VISTA DE MAL—"Jabba the Hutt is not currently employed by Lucasfilm and there are no plans for him to be...
BREAKING: The Dallas Mavericks secede from the United States
DALLAS—NBA team the Dallas Mavericks, led by owner Mark Cuban, have seceded from the United States. Cuban on Tuesday told...
To be more inclusive, Disney fires only woman on ‘The Mandalorian’
VISTA DEL MAL, CA—In an effort to be more inclusive, Disney has fired Gina Carano, the only female on their...
David Hogg releases line of woke bedding including the BLM ‘Burn It Down’ pillow
Anti freedom activists and omnipresent media generated expert on all things David Hogg has decided to put conservative business owner...
BLM promises to ‘burn the whole motherf***er down’ if they don’t win the Nobel Peace Prize
WASHINGTON, DC—Black Lives Matter protestors took to the streets over the weekend after it was announced they were nominated for...
Satan follows Big Tech’s lead, bans Trump from Hell
HADES—Today, Satan tweeted out that, effective immediately, Trump and his supporters will be banned from every circle of Hell. "Effective...
Tlaib wins Oscar for Best Imaginary Victimhood
HOLLYWOOD—Representative Rashida Tlaib (D-MI) praised Allah in her acceptance speech after winning the Oscar for Best Imaginary Victimhood yesterday. The...
President Biden declares Eagles Superbowl LV Champs by executive order
WASHINGTON, DC—At 5AM Eastern Time today President-Elect Biden issued another executive order, declaring the Philadelphia Eagles the Super Bowl Champions...
