Breaking: New Orleans Coronavirus outbreak caused by Popeye’s new fried bat combo
Upping the ante in the Chicken flame wars, Popeye’s released their boldest meal to date. Playing off of the Corona...
Culture
Hundreds get alcohol poisoning playing the White House COVID-19 Press Brief Drinking Game
Everyone is homebound. Well almost. After taking some walks, binge-watching every Netflix series ever produced since 1950, and buying enough...
BREAKING: Joe ‘Exotic’ Biden surges in polls with new post-quarantine look
Democratic presidential hopeful Joe Biden's campaign has been suffering through weak polling numbers and consistent senility. The New York Times...
STUDY: Women named Karen derive 83% of life satisfaction from telling people to stay home during COVID crisis
WASHINGTON—In a shocking new CDC study, researchers have found a correlation between being named Karen and deriving an inordinate amount...
POLL: Most people unimpressed with their 30-day free trial of Communism
A poll conducted by the Pew Pew Institute shows that a majority of Americans are unimpressed with their 30-day free...
Trump says ‘laughter is the best medicine’ to fight COVID-19; calls for national ‘Day of Satire’
During his daily COVID-19 press conference, President Donald Trump reported that, "laughter is the best medicine," in the fight against...
American men actively trying to contract COVID-19 to escape quarantine honey-do lists
Domestic violence is on the rise as couples who usually work full time are forced together 24/7 during the COVID-19...
Puzzled rancher wonders why coastal elites won’t just leave their cities and take up farming
It has been a whirlwind month for the Midwestern rancher, Arthur Worchestire. First he was told he would literally die...
STUDY: More satire sites get their news from Genesius Times than any other source
More satire sites get their news from Genesius Times than any other source, a new study in the prestigious Annals...
BREAKING: Trump reschedules Easter to May 1st
President Donald Trump announced on Sunday that the White House would be extending its social distancing guidelines through April 30...
