Trump to move to DEFCON 1 after reports of 32 measles cases in Washington
As of Saturday, there have been 32—THIRTY-TWO—cases of measles reported throughout the country prompting President Trump to move to DEFCON...
Health
NY’s Cuomo unable to remove mysterious red stains from hands
For a week, New York's Governor Andrew Cuomo has been dealing with a mysterious red stain on his hands. The...
Pope Francis to bring back Inquisition for Cuomo, New York legislators after abortion bill
After New York passed a bill allowing abortion to be performed up to the point of birth, calls have come...
New York Governor Cuomo wears pink to celebrate all the female babies he’s going to kill
In a proud moment for all women, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo wore a pink tie and has instructed the...
Gillette Introduces ‘Ball Blades’ to Help Fight ‘Toxic Masculinity’ via Castration
The razor giant Gillette is embracing the #MeToo movement with its new line of blades designed especially for excising testes....
REPORT: Ginsburg to outlast Trump by drinking from Holy Grail
Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg is doing just fine and hopes to live well into the future after a quick trip...
Local child miraculously has only broken 18 bones after three days on hoverboard
A local 8-year-old girl, Felicity, is experiencing a Christmas miracle not breaking every bone in her body after three days...
Liberals furious that Trump keeps doing what they were going to do
A series of egregious actions by President Trump is sending liberal opposition into a furious tailspin. In the last week...
Ocasio-Cortez promises free healthcare in Gulag for her political enemies
She hasn't even been sworn into office and the youngest-elected congressperson ever is making major promises. Over the weekend Ocasio-Cortez...
Guy in cubicle certain that his next sniffle will be the last
After 783 continuous workdays in which he coughed and sniffled every 15 seconds, the guy in the cubicle next to...
