BREAKING: FBI arrest person of interest in Rainbow Bridge terrorist attack
NIAGRA FALLS—In a plot that sounds like a rejected script for an action movie, the FBI has shocked the nation...
Newsbeat
Biden Pardons What Looks Suspiciously Like Hunter Biden In A Turkey Costume
In a stunning display of familial solidarity and culinary confusion, President Joe Biden, in what some witnesses are calling an...
AOC Says She Was ‘Nearly Killed’ by Release of Jan 6 Footage
In a dramatic revelation that sent shockwaves through Capitol Hill, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC) recently declared that she was "nearly...
BREAKING: Dems and Reps come together to ensure Americans will always have catastrophic debt
WASHINGTON - In an era of extreme polarization, many were happy to hear that Democrats and Republicans have finally come...
BREAKING: Nation horrified to learn Nashville shooter wasn’t a white supremacist
NASHVILLE—In a shocking revelation, the nation was stunned to learn that the recent Nashville shooter wasn't a white supremacist. This...
BREAKING: FBI awards Ray Epps ‘Employee of the Year’
WASHINGTON, DC—Many Democrats on the January 6th Committee haven't heard of Ray Epps, but that's all about to change as...
Normal white guy wins “scariest” Halloween costume contest without costume
A normal white guy won the annual Halloween costume contest at the University of Madison Wisconsin's Union over the weekend...
Biden eases fears of nuclear war by posting ‘Nuke Free Zones’ signs around the country
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has allayed all fears of global thermonuclear war by posting "Nuke Free Zone" signs all over...
Fetterman finally returns from Burning Man 2022: no-one noticed he was gone
PHILADELPHIA: Pennsylvania senator John Fetterman is back home today after being stuck at the Burning Man festival in Nevada for...
Ozzy Osbourne hired to interpret Joe Biden
WASHINGTON, DC—Weeks into Joe Biden's presidency, Democratic strategists have finally find someone capable of interpreting what the hell he is...
