Zelensky promises Pelosi she will get her cut of the money laundering paid in vodka
KYIV—Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky has promised that US Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi will get her cut of the...
Newsbeat
Biden crowns Nina Jankowicz the 2022 ‘Miss Information’
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden has crowned Nina Jankowicz the 2022 Miss Information, displacing last year's winner, Jen "Ball" Psaki. Jankowicz is...
BREAKING: CNN+ has information that will lead to the arrest of Hillary Clinton
ATLANTA—CNN's streaming service CNN+ has information that will lead to the arrest and conviction of Hillary Clinton, sources close to...
CNN introduces CNN- where users can pay $99 a month to not see any CNN content
ATLANTA—Following the demise of the streaming service CNN+, CNN is introducing CNN- where users can pay $15 a month to...
General Mills says Lucky Charms ‘contaminant’ is actually 100% organic Leprechaun feces
MINNEAPOLIS—General Mills, the makers of the ‘Lucky Charms’ cereal, are reassuring their customers that the blame for any contamination of...
Biden blames Brooklyn mass shooting on black white supremacy
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has blamed white supremacy for an incident in which a black man killed 10 and injured 19...
POLL: Cancelling student debt popular among people with absolutely worthless degrees
US—A new Pew Pew Institute poll shows the socialist concept of cancelling student debt promoted by Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth...
BREAKING: Dead rabid fox who bit Democrats surges to lead in 2024 presidential poll
WASHINGTON, DC—The mother fox that bit at least nine Democrats near the U.S. Capitol and was euthanized shortly after has...
BREAKING: Disney buys ‘Epstein Island’ for new kids-only theme park
VISTA DEL MAL, CA—Disney has purchased the controversial island owned by convicted pedophile and sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein. The company...
Chris Rock avoids all ‘appearance’ jokes with feisty crowd at Mos Eisley Cantina
TATOOINE—Star pilots crowded the Mos Eisley Cantina last Saturday night as comedian, Chris Rock opened to a sold out crowd....
