Harvard elects first brainless man as provost
In an unprecedented move, the elite Ivy League university has selected a man without a brain to lead the school's...
Newsbeat
BREAKING: 1500 Americans left in Afghanistan have information that will lead to Hillary Clinton’s arrest
KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Up to 1,500 Americans that are left in Afghanistan after US President* Biden pulled forces out have information that...
BREAKING: Derek Chauvin released after changing defense to ‘I saved countless lives by killing George Floyd’
MINNEAPOLIS—Former Minneapolis Police Department Officer Derek Chauvin, who was convicted of the murder of George Floyd in 2020, was released...
AOC sees nothing wrong with using horse paste to treat COVID
WASHINGTON, DC—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) has stepped out into the firing lines and defended the use of ivermectin horse paste...
BREAKING: Biden surrenders to Nazi Germany too
WASHINGTON, DC—After a successful withdrawal and surrender to Taliban forces in Afghanistan, US President* Joe Biden has unilaterally decided to...
Biden orders all rainbow flags flown at half-staff after Taliban cancels UN queer theory classes
WASHINGTON, DC—Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff General Mark Milley was appalled to hear that the Taliban cancelled all...
CNN: Q Anon has overtaken Kabul
KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—The Q Anon Shaman was seen in pictures taken at the Afghanistan Presidential Palace after he and other white...
Biden appoints Cuomo Gender Equality Czar citing his experience with ‘lots of women’
WASHINGTON, DC—Just minutes after former New York Governor Andrew Cuomo resigned over accusations of sexual harassment, US President* Joe Biden...
BREAKING: California decriminalizes rapes lasting under 1 minute
SACRAMENTO, CA—Citing justice based on California's decriminalization of theft under $1000, Governor Gavin Newsom has unilaterally decriminalized rapes lasting less...
BREAKING: Fauci orders drone strike on Rand Paul
WASHINGTON, DC—Escalating his War on Science, America's Doctor and leader of the Pharmaceutical-Industrial Complex Anthony Fauci has ordered a drone...
