In abundance of caution, local teen cancels cleaning her room for one month amid outbreak
People are getting serious about coronavirus by closing everything and postponing everything else. Local teen, Abigail Martin has decided that...
Newsbeat
Bill Gates leaves Microsoft board to focus on killing innocent people through biological weapons
Microsoft announced on Friday that Bill Gates is leaving the board, effective Friday. Gates is also stepping down from his position on...
PSA: All public events are cancelled so that residents can meet at Costco to fight over toilet paper
This is a Genesius Times Public Service Announcement regarding the unprecedented coronavirus outbreak: Until further notice, all public events in...
To prevent death or injury, CDC recommends canceling everything forever
ATLANTA, GA – The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has issued new guidelines for dealing with the sniffles...
BREAKING: COVID-19 skyrockets to 1,543,299th highest cause of death in US; just behind butterflies
Coronavirus is wrecking havoc around the world, causing death and destruction where ever it rears its ugly head. After its...
Bernie ‘pretty sure’ corruption will end when we give the corrupt government more power
Democratic socialist presidential front runner Bernie Sanders says he's sick of the corruption in government and that he's "pretty sure"...
BREAKING: Warren drops out of presidential race; to run only for Commander in Chief
Sen. Elizabeth Warren, front runner for the 2020 Democratic nomination for president has shocked the US political landscape by withdrawing...
Voters split about whether they want breadlines and gulags in America just yet
GOSHEN, IN – With Bernie Sanders cleaning up in the democratic primaries, voters around the country are split about whether...
BREAKING: Bernie will ‘save billions eliminating food stamps’ by eliminating food
Democratic socialist presidential candidate Bernie Sanders has been criticized for his expensive government program proposals, but he also has plans...
Jussie Smollett pleads not guilty to being employable
CHICAGO—Former “Empire” star Jussie Smollett pleaded not guilty Monday to charges that he's an employable actor. His lawyer, Tina Glandian,...
