New England Patriots: ‘Sex crimes are only bad when players do it’
Did you hear the one about the billionaire owner of an elite NFL franchise getting happy endings in unlicensed massage...
Newsbeat
BREAKING: Several Democratic frontrunners being paid by GOP to look utterly insane
Genesius Times has uncovered documents proving that several front runners for the 2020 Democratic Presidential Nomination are actually on the...
Local abortionist laughs at recent mass shooter’s ‘rookie numbers’
Stanley Alberts, the #1 abortionist at the Columbus, Ohio Women’s Clinic has some advice for the most recent mass shooters....
Beto O’Rourke named prestigious AR-15 Salesman of the Year
Democratic presidential hopeful Robert "Beto" O'Rourke was just named the prestigious Armalite AR-15 salesman of the year, an honor that...
BREAKING: All Democratic candidates arrested for bribing voters with stolen money
All official Democratic candidates for president in the 2020 election have been arrested for trying to bribe voters with stolen...
British troops triggered by ‘Come and Take it’ flag, condemn it as hate speech
The British are coming... to say they were triggered by the guerilla revolutionaries of the American Founding. It all started...
Beto asks people to stop oppressing him after he promised to oppress them
Democratic presidential candidate Robert "Beto" O'Rourke has asked people to stop oppressing him a day after he promised to oppress...
Notorious Warmonger John Bolton returns to simpler life as the Mad Hatter
Some say it was John Bolton’s previous life as the infamous character, the Mad Hatter, from Alice in Wonderland that...
BREAKING: Trump fires Bolton for choosing Popeyes over Chik-fil-A in the chicken wars
WASHINGTON—President Trump dismissed John Bolton, his national security adviser, after a contentious debate about chicken sandwiches. Trump tweeted, "I informed...
Elizabeth Warren promises to give state of Alabama back to ‘her people’ on first day of presidency
In an unprecedented level of virtue signalling and pandering for votes, Sen. Elizabeth Warren has promised to give the state...
