King Charles Appears to Forget Human Contact Lenses During Latest Address
LONDON — In what Palace officials described as a “minor wardrobe oversight,” King Charles III delivered a measured address on...
Politics
Mamdani Organizes NYC’s Inaugural Public Stoning of Rape Victim
NEW YORK — In a landmark step toward multicultural equity, Mayor Zohran Mamdani personally oversaw the city’s inaugural public stoning...
Trump Stocks Reflecting Pool with Man-Eating Piranhas to Deter Purple-Haired Vandals
WASHINGTON — Citing ongoing concerns over “repeated acts of unauthorized aquatic protesting,” the Trump administration announced Tuesday that it has...
Ewoks have taken over the Obama Presidential Center and have disarmed the shield generator
CHICAGO — A detachment of Ewoks has assumed operational control of the Obama Presidential Center, officials confirmed Tuesday, after the...
Two Imperial AT-ATs Seen Patrolling Around Obama Presidential Center
CHICAGO – Local residents and tourists were left both awestruck and mildly concerned Tuesday after two massive Imperial AT-AT walkers...
AOC: We Must Abolish Father’s Day Because It Is Racist
As we approach another Father’s Day, I find myself reflecting on a holiday that, while seemingly harmless to some, has...
Obama Library Requires I.D. Except, Of Course, If You Want To Vote There
Chicago, IL – The long-awaited grand opening of the Barack Hussein Obama Presidential Library and Museum proceeded largely without incident...
Quality Learing Center Receives $850 Million Upgrade in Chicago
CHICAGO — City officials confirmed today that the Quality Learing Center, a controversial early childhood education provider previously embroiled in...
Exclusive CNN Coverage: The Deadly Trump Algae Bloom
In an alarming development that experts are linking directly to former President Donald Trump's policies, rhetoric, and general existence, scientists...
Chicago Unveils Nation’s First Vertical Landfill as Obama Presidential Center Opens
CHICAGO — The Barack Obama Presidential Center opened to the public this week as the nation’s first fully operational vertical...
