Senate GOP Having Great Weekend at Mitch’s
In a development that surprised no one familiar with modern American politics, Senate Majority Leader John Thune (R-SD) and longtime...
Politics
Mitch McConnell Gives 17-Minute Press Conference From Hospital; Pledges No on SAVE Act
WASHINGTON — Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) held a 17-minute press conference Tuesday, using the occasion to voice strong...
Graham Platner Comes Out as Muslim Transwoman; All Allegations Immediately Dropped
WASHINGTON — Graham Platner, who converted to Islam earlier Tuesday and saw all pending legal cases against him dismissed, announced...
BREAKING: Mitch McConnell Confirmed Brain Dead, So Nothing New
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Doctors at a Washington hospital confirmed Tuesday that Senator Mitch McConnell is clinically brain dead, prompting a...
Trump Unveils His Own Bust on Mount Rushmore in Surprise Ceremony
KEYSTONE, S.D. — Former and possibly future President Donald J. Trump marked Independence Day by adding his likeness to Mount...
Tucker Carlson Launches New ‘Everything Trump Promised He Would Do’ Party
WASHINGTON — Conservative commentator Tucker Carlson announced the formation of a new political party Thursday, promising to finally deliver on...
AOC Sets Apartment Thermostat to 68 Degrees, Killing Six in France
PARIS — Six French citizens died amid a record heatwave in the capital this week, an event Paris Mayor Anne...
Britons Horrified to Learn UK Rape Gangs Have Been Using Air Conditioning
LONDON — Ordinary Britons expressed shock and outrage Tuesday upon discovering that grooming gangs operating across the United Kingdom have...
If You’re Born Here, You’re a Citizen—Unless You’re an American, in Which Case You’re a Colonizer on Stolen Land
In these enlightened times, we have finally moved beyond the crude, outdated notion that birthplace confers belonging. Or rather, we...
Supreme Court Rules Babies Born in the Hospital are Automatically Licensed to Practice Medicine
Washington — In a landmark 6-3 decision, the Supreme Court held Tuesday that any child born within the confines of...
