Carney Bans Wildfires From Canada
OTTAWA — In a bold move to combat climate change and assert national sovereignty over uncontrollable natural phenomena, Canadian officials...
Politics
Judge Rules Judges Are Above The Law
WASHINGTON — In a landmark decision that legal scholars are already calling “perfectly normal and not at all alarming,” U.S....
Satan Trying To Figure Out Why Wars Are Breaking Out All Over Hell
Pandemonium, HELL — In a development that has left the infernal high command scratching its collective horns, the Prince of...
Mamdani Opens New NYC Restaurant Allowing Comrades to Literally ‘Eat the Rich’
New York, NY – Mayor Zohran Mamdani proudly cut the ribbon today on The Guillotine Grill, the city’s first municipally...
Trump Orders All Israel Pride Flags to Be Flown at Half-Mast in Honor of Lindsey Graham’s Passing
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump signed an executive order Monday directing that all Israel Pride flags on federal property be...
BREAKING: Lindsey Graham Dies After Accidentally Uttering the Word “Peace”
WASHINGTON — Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC), 71, a steadfast advocate for robust American engagement abroad, died Saturday evening after what...
Senate GOP Having Great Weekend at Mitch’s
In a development that surprised no one familiar with modern American politics, Senate Majority Leader John Thune (R-SD) and longtime...
Mitch McConnell Gives 17-Minute Press Conference From Hospital; Pledges No on SAVE Act
WASHINGTON — Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) held a 17-minute press conference Tuesday, using the occasion to voice strong...
Graham Platner Comes Out as Muslim Transwoman; All Allegations Immediately Dropped
WASHINGTON — Graham Platner, who converted to Islam earlier Tuesday and saw all pending legal cases against him dismissed, announced...
BREAKING: Mitch McConnell Confirmed Brain Dead, So Nothing New
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Doctors at a Washington hospital confirmed Tuesday that Senator Mitch McConnell is clinically brain dead, prompting a...
