Biden promises to fix baby formula shortage by sending more weapons to Ukraine
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden addressed the "shocking" baby formula shortage in the US by sending more weapons to Ukraine. "Really...
Politics
Zelensky assures US that 10% of $40B aid package will go to the ‘Big Guy’
KYIV—Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelensky has agreed to a peace deal effectively ending the Ukraine-Russia war immediately following the deposit of...
Psaki says parents who can’t find baby formula ‘should have just had an abortion’
WASHINGTON, DC—Outgoing White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki said that parents who are having trouble finding baby formula amid a...
BREAKING: Dozens of ugly women won’t have sex with you until you support killing babies
US—Following the leak of the SCOTUS decision overturning Roe v Wade, many brave and entirely unattractive feminists have taken to...
White House selects Baghdad Bob to replace Jen Psaki as press secretary
WASHINGTON, DC—The White House has hired austere press relations master Baghdad Bob to replace outgoing Press Secretary Jen Psaki. President* Joe...
Biden denies 2000 mules were used in 2020 election fraud; says ‘it was more like 5000’
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has responded to the bombshell documentary 2000 Mules, which alleges there were 2000 ballot traffickers in...
Kentucky Derby winner declines White House invitation: ‘If I wanted to see a horse’s ass I would’ve come in second’
Sonny Leon, jockey for the Kentucky Derby winner Rich Strike, has declined an invitation to the White House, saying, "If...
Jen Psaki leaves bat-sh*t crazy White House to join just moderately psychotic MSNBC
WASHINGTON, DC—Jen Psaki says she will seek ‘a boatload of R&R and lots of drugs.” to re-acclimate into a normal...
Democrats promise to fix all the nation’s problems by killing more babies
WASHINGTON, DC—In the face of crashing stock markets and skyrocketing inflation, Democrats have promised to kill more babies, outgoing White...
Elon Musk secretly buys 51% of all passwords, will soon control internet
ZURICH—The GPO, Global Password Organization, announced on May 5th, World Password Day, that Elon Musk, the SpaceX and Tesla entrepreneur,...
