WOOPS: Plague Factory Worker Accidentally Starts Deadly Pandemic Right Before Midterms
MOSCOW — A mid-level technician at the remote Siberian Strategic Pathogen Production Complex, more commonly known among staff as the...
Politics
Democrats Urge Voters to Vote for Them So Gas Prices Will Come Down Like they are in Blue States
WASHINGTON — In a series of carefully worded statements this week, Democratic leaders and campaign surrogates encouraged Americans to vote...
Climate Change Causing Fires All Across France, Experts Confirm
PARIS — CNN reported Monday that the immigrant riots now entering their second week across several French cities are being...
Biblical Scholars Now Conclude that Judas’s 30 Pieces of Silver Were Supplied by USAID
JERUSALEM — A consortium of biblical historians and institutional-funding analysts announced Monday that the thirty pieces of silver paid to...
Scientists Baffled as to Why the Left Keeps Losing in South America Since the CIA Stopped Funding Their Campaigns Through USAID
SÃO PAULO — Political scientists and institutional-development researchers reported deepening bewilderment on Sunday after Brazil’s first-round presidential election produced yet...
Tennessee Hires Dr. Hillarsky Clintonsky to Finish the Job After Two Botched Lethal Injections
NASHVILLE — Tennessee announced Friday that it had retained Dr. Hillarsky Cintosky to complete the execution of Christa Pike, left...
Iran Graciously Lets Democrats Use Their Trademarked slogan “Death to America” for 2026 midterm Election
WASHINGTON — The Islamic Republic of Iran announced Thursday that it would graciously permit several Democratic campaign committees to use...
Macron Caught Playing Lute As France Burns to the Ground
PARIS — President Emmanuel Macron was photographed Thursday evening adjusting the tuning pegs of a lute on the balcony of...
BREAKING: Thousands of immigrants heading to US to become victims of systemic racism
McALLEN, TX—A migrant caravan from Africa and Central America is heading for the United States to become victims of the...
AOC: Religion, Patriarchy, and Homophobia are Evil, Unless You’re Muslim, In Which Case, They’re Diversity
Let me be crystal, like, structurally clear: religion, patriarchy, and homophobia are violence. Not “beliefs.” Violence. They are how power...
