Stormtroopers Now Recruiting US Secret Service Agents After They Fail to Hit Would-Be Assassins Routh and Allen in 10 Shots
CORUSCANT — In a surprising move, the Galactic Empire announced today that it is actively recruiting members of the United...
Politics
Ilhan Omar Panics Over Missing 4pm Meeting, Because It’s ‘Already One Thousand One Hundred and Eleven O’Clock!’
Washington, D.C. — Representative Ilhan Omar (D-MN) expressed growing concern Tuesday afternoon after glancing at a conference room clock and...
Someone from the “Hate Has No Home Here” crowd just tried to kill another person again
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In yet another masterclass in non-violence and empathy, 31-year-old California teacher and engineer Cole Tomas Allen joined...
BREAKING: People who have been calling for violence targeting Trump for 10 years ‘shocked’ of all the violence targeting Trump
WASHINGTON — Prominent Democrats expressed profound surprise and concern Monday following yet another assassination attempt on President Donald J. Trump...
Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg Files Charges Against Trump for Surviving Another Assassination Attempt
NEW YORK — Following the Biden DOJ's lead and citing a “clear pattern of evading accountability,” Manhattan District Attorney Alvin...
US facing ‘massive shortage’ of conspiracy theories as all of them have come true
US—The United States declared a national emergency Tuesday after intelligence agencies confirmed what had long been whispered in dimly lit...
Ilhan Omar Quietly Shuts Down Her “Quality Winary Center” as Ethics Scrutiny Intensifies
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move described by aides as “a routine operational adjustment,” Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN) has discreetly...
Breaking: Bill Clinton Adopts Eric Swalwell: “He’s The Son I Never Had”
Little Rock, AR – In a move described by insiders as both “heartwarming” and “legally inventive,” former President Bill Clinton...
BREAKING: Eric Swalwell resigns from Congress for stuff he totally didn’t do
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning development that surprised absolutely no one paying attention, Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-Calif.) announced his...
Swalwell Transitions to Black Woman, Prompting Immediate Dismissal of All Sexual Assault Allegations
WASHINGTON — Facing mounting calls to drop out of the California gubernatorial race after four women accused him of sexual...
