BREAKING: Macron Bans Heatwaves from France
PARIS — In a decisive move to combat extreme weather, the French government under President Emmanuel Macron has issued a...
Politics
Zionists Perform “Give War a Chance” in Oval Office to Protest Iran Peace Deal
WASHINGTON — In a rare display of legislative-executive harmony, prominent Zionist figures Mark Levin, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX), and Sen....
King Charles Appears to Forget Human Contact Lenses During Latest Address
LONDON — In what Palace officials described as a “minor wardrobe oversight,” King Charles III delivered a measured address on...
Mamdani Organizes NYC’s Inaugural Public Stoning of Rape Victim
NEW YORK — In a landmark step toward multicultural equity, Mayor Zohran Mamdani personally oversaw the city’s inaugural public stoning...
Trump Stocks Reflecting Pool with Man-Eating Piranhas to Deter Purple-Haired Vandals
WASHINGTON — Citing ongoing concerns over “repeated acts of unauthorized aquatic protesting,” the Trump administration announced Tuesday that it has...
Ewoks have taken over the Obama Presidential Center and have disarmed the shield generator
CHICAGO — A detachment of Ewoks has assumed operational control of the Obama Presidential Center, officials confirmed Tuesday, after the...
Two Imperial AT-ATs Seen Patrolling Around Obama Presidential Center
CHICAGO – Local residents and tourists were left both awestruck and mildly concerned Tuesday after two massive Imperial AT-AT walkers...
AOC: We Must Abolish Father’s Day Because It Is Racist
As we approach another Father’s Day, I find myself reflecting on a holiday that, while seemingly harmless to some, has...
Obama Library Requires I.D. Except, Of Course, If You Want To Vote There
Chicago, IL – The long-awaited grand opening of the Barack Hussein Obama Presidential Library and Museum proceeded largely without incident...
Quality Learing Center Receives $850 Million Upgrade in Chicago
CHICAGO — City officials confirmed today that the Quality Learing Center, a controversial early childhood education provider previously embroiled in...
