Judge Overturns Cole Allen’s Failed Assassination Attempt, Grants Him Chance to Retry
WASHINGTON — In a landmark ruling Tuesday, U.S. Magistrate Judge Zia Faruqui vacated the unsuccessful assassination attempt in the criminal...
Politics
Trump Announces Targeted Bombing of the Critical Infrastructure of Sen John Thune
WASHINGTON — Donald Trump declared Tuesday that the United States will launch targeted bombing campaigns against key infrastructure controlled by...
Somali Government to Honor World War 11 Veteran and Hero George Floyd
Mogadishu — The Somali Ministry of Defense announced Tuesday that it will posthumously award the Order of the Banana Star...
Ilhan Omar’s Brother-Husband Is Decorated World War 11 Veteran and Hero
WASHINGTON — In a development that has left historians, basic mathematicians, and anyone capable of counting past ten utterly baffled,...
Federal Judge Overturns American Revolution, Orders States Returned to United Kingdom
WASHINGTON — In a landmark 87-page ruling Tuesday morning, U.S. District Judge Hugh Jassole declared the Declaration of Independence “constitutionally...
Trump replies to Comey’s ‘8647’ seashell post with ‘FAFO’ seashell post after Comey is indicted
WASHINGTON — In a development that has left political observers reaching for their maritime dictionaries, former FBI Director James Comey...
AOC Expresses Profound Relief After Ilhan Omar Claims ‘Dumbest Person in Congress’ Title
WASHINGTON — Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) held a brief press availability Tuesday morning to announce that she is “finally at...
CNN Panel: “Why is Everyone Trying to Kill Hitler?”
WASHINGTON — In the immediate aftermath of a disrupted incident at the annual White House Correspondents' Dinner, CNN moved swiftly...
Study Finds There Are 11 Types of People in this World: Those who Understand Roman Numerals and Ilhan Omar
WASHINGTON — In a breakthrough that scholars are calling “both mathematically dubious and emotionally consistent,” a new report released Tuesday...
“No Kings” crowd gives King Charles standing ovation
WASHINGTON — In a display of ideological flexibility that surprised no one, members of the “No Kings” movement rose to...
