Talarico: ‘We Should Mandate Abortions Unless Parent Pledges to Raise the Baby Trans’
AUSTIN — U.S. Senate candidate James Talarico said Saturday that the federal government should require abortions for American citizens unless...
Politics
Netanyahu Gives Golden Pagers to Diplomats Who Walked Out of His UN Speech
UNITED NATIONS — Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu on Friday presented gold-plated pagers to every diplomat who walked out of...
Federal Judge Overturns Hurricane Shortage in Gulf of America, Orders Two Storms to Hit US Now
NEW ORLEANS — A federal judge on Friday vacated what he called an “unlawful shortage of tropical cyclones” in the...
Omar, Having Mastered Roman Numerals, Asks Who is this ‘President Eleven Jinping?’
WASHINGTON — Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-Minn.) expressed sharp frustration Thursday after concluding that China’s leader is named President Eleven Jinping,...
Gas Stations Across US Add “Would You Like to Add a Tip for Israel?” Option at the Pump
Gas stations nationwide have begun prompting drivers with a new question at the point of sale: “Would you like to...
Trump Completes First Scouting Patrol in Greenland on Tauntaun
NUUK, Greenland — President Donald J. Trump and Secretary of State Marco Rubio on Tuesday completed what the White House...
Brave Canadian PM Carney Cuts Off His Testicles to Protest Trump
OTTAWA — In a decisive act of national solidarity, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney voluntarily severed his own testicles on...
BREAKING: Trump selects Genesius Times to replace CNN as official White House Fake News provider
WASHINGTON, DC—Donald Trump has announced that the Genesius Times will replace CNN as the official White House Fake News provider....
By Securing Greenland, Trump Will Now Get A +5 Troop Bonus Every Turn
WASHINGTON — The White House confirmed Saturday that the United States’ newly secured position in Greenland will deliver a permanent...
GOP Makes Final Plea Before Midterms: ‘Vote For Us. We Take the Best Vacations!’
WASHINGTON — With seven weeks remaining until the midterm elections, Republican officials on Thursday introduced what they described as a...
