BREAKING: Senator Lindsey Graham hospitalized with prolonged erection after US bombs Iran
WASHINGTON, DC—Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) was rushed to Walter Reed National Military Medical Center late last night after suffering what...
Politics
Ilhan Omar Condemns Trump’s Iran Strikes as ‘Racist Against Terrorists’
MINNEAPOLIS — In a blistering floor speech that lasted exactly as long as the average commercial break, Rep. Ilhan Omar...
BREAKING: Minnesota Just Weeks Away from Developing Nuclear Weapon, Sources Say
ST. PAUL, Minn. — Intelligence officials confirmed today that Minnesota is mere weeks—possibly days—from achieving a fully operational nuclear weapon,...
BREAKING: Trump bombs Iran so that he can get a Nobel Peace Prize like Obama
In a bold move to secure lasting global recognition, President Donald J. Trump authorized precision airstrikes on multiple Iranian military...
Sen Thune to Give 8-Month Press Conference to Explain Why 8 Months Isn’t Enough Time to Vote on SAVE Act
WASHINGTON — In a move hailed by political scientists as "the most efficient use of inefficiency since the invention of...
CNN adds Gavin Newsom to panel on ‘What It’s Like Being Black & Poor in America’
ATLANTA — In what network executives are calling a “definitive step toward radical empathy,” CNN has confirmed California Governor Gavin...
Newsom Conducts High-Profile Drive-By Shooting in Compton to Prove He’s ‘Just Like Them’
COMPTON, CA – In what aides are calling “a decisive step toward national healing,” California Governor Gavin Newsom personally piloted...
Pam Bondi’s Pedometer Stuck On ‘0’ Despite Busy Day of Pacing the Halls of Justice
Washington, D.C. — In a development that has left fitness trackers across the capital utterly perplexed, U.S. Attorney General Pam...
SHOCK: Former Prince Andrew Has Tragically Died in Car Crash Next Week
LONDON – In a development that has left the globe reeling with predictable astonishment, Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor—formerly known to the world...
Mitch McConnell blinks twice to indicate vehement opposition to SAVE America Act
Washington, D.C. — In a dramatic escalation of nonverbal parliamentary procedure, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) today registered his...
