BREAKING: Biden promises to end Alzheimer’s by 2008
WASHINGTON, DC—For those still maintaining any doubts about his cognitive and mental state, the following should clear things up: in...
Science
EXCLUSIVE: NASA releases stunning selfies from Mars rover
JEZERO CRATER, MARS—NASA's most powerful rover yet, the Perseverance, is regularly sending back images from the Red Planet, some of...
AOC unveils plan to fix Texas’s energy problems
WASHINGTON, DC—US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) has suggested the answer to the near total failure of green energy in Texas...
Fauci says Americans can stop wearing masks in the year 3082
WASHINGTON, DC—In a hopeful interview today on CBS, Dr. Anthony Fauci said that Americans will be able to stop wearing...
AOC recommends increasing cow farts to warm Texas up
WASHINGTON, DC—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) made a bold suggestion for Texans experiencing unprecedented cooling caused by global warming: more cow...
BREAKING: Joe Biden gets stuck sniffing woman who used Gorilla Glue for hairspray
BATON ROUGE, LA—TikToker Tessica Brown thought she had seen the end of her problems after uploading a video in which...
Fauci orders wall of masks built around all federal buildings
WASHINGTON, DC—Latest guidelines from the CDC require walls of N95 masks constructed around all buildings to keep the population safe...
Groundhog Day: Fauci sees his shadow so there will be 6 more weeks of quarantine
PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA—Anthony Fauci saw his shadow Tuesday, predicting six more weeks of quarantine. No one can question the veracity of...
Walmart now offering free COVID anal swabs before shopping
BENTONVILLE, AR—In the interest of making the shopping experience for everyone as safe as can be, Walmart Supercenters will now...
Local girls HS team gets new recruit after Biden signs trans rights executive order
The local girls high school basketball team got a surprise new recruit following President Biden's new transgender rights executive order...
