UPENN combines men’s / women’s swim teams; winning now based on talent and looks
PHILADELPHIA—UPENN Board of Trustees will announce tomorrow that the best solution for the swim team’s trans conundrum is to keep...
Sports
Penn’s trans swimmer complains of ball-crushing swimsuit in loss to Yale’s trans swimmer
NEW HAVEN, CT—The University of Pennsylvania transwoman swimmer Lia Thomas complained of her swimsuit crushing her lady balls in her...
LeBron changes last name to ‘Slavery’ to get back at Enes Kanter Freedom
LOS ANGELES—The growing feud between NBA players Enes Kanter and LeBron James just got more intense as Kanter became an...
CBS cancels World Series due to constant ‘F*** Joe Biden’ chanting in crowd
US—CBS has cancelled the World Series after constant chanting from the crowd disrupted game four. Fans chanted "F*** Joe Biden"...
NFL relieved that no racist or sexual ‘trash talk’ has ever been used by players
Following revelations of inappropriate remarks in emails by former Raiders' coach Jon Gruden, the NFL has conducted an investigation into...
BREAKING: Jon Gruden identifies as Hunter Biden so media will ignore his emails
LAS VEGAS—Jon Gruden has identified as President* Biden's son Hunter Biden so that the media will ignore his offensive emails,...
FBI investigates FBI and finds it did nothing wrong in Larry Nassar case
WASHINGTON, DC—The FBI has reviewed its decision not to charge FBI agents for their misconduct during the investigation of former...
NFL has made over 1 million fans gay this year
NEW YORK—Ever since the NFL came out of the closet as being gay this summer, they have made a point...
LeBron slams racist NBA Best Player poll: ‘They voted for Antetokounmpo cuz he’s white’
LOS ANGELES—Lakers superstar LeBron James is crying racism after receiving zero votes in an ESPN offseason poll of NBA executives...
BREAKING: Hillary Clinton accuses Simone Biles of colluding with the Russians in Olympic bow-out
TOKYO—Following her inspiring and history-making withdrawal from the Olympic gymnastics final, Simone Biles was shocked to learn former Secretary of...
