Ukraine troops wash, wax, vacuum tanks; get ready for capture
UKRAINE—Major General Victor Nikolyuk, Northern Commander ordered all Ukrainian armored vehicles to be vacuumed and washed. “When the Russians capture...
World
Trudeau declares war on truckers; leads cavalry of inflatable unicorns to take out bouncy castle
OTTAWA—Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has declared war on the trucker convoy for freedom in Canada and is leading a cavalry...
In effort to be more green, China switches from gas-powered artificial snow makers to 100% slave labor
BEIJING—After several environmentalist groups applied pressure to China about its use of fossil-fuel-powered snow makers to produce snow for the...
BREAKING: Biden sends $80B in weapons to Ukraine to leave behind for Russia when we withdraw
WASHINGTON, DC--Following his stellar exit strategy that worked flawlessly in Afghanistan, President* Biden is sending over $80 billion in military-grade...
BREAKING: France to deploy troops to Caribbean islands of Ukraine in the ‘Speed Bump’ formation
PARIS—French President Emmanuel Macron announced the deployment of a few companies of French troops into the Ukraine conflict. Taken from...
BREAKING: Trudeau outlaws honking, bans all Canadian geese from country
OTTAWA—Canadian Fascist Party Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has outlawed all honking in response to the 2022 Trucker Convoy for Freedom...
GoFundMe changes its name to GoF***Me
SILLICON VALLEY, CA—Charitable giving platform GoFundMe is changing its name to GoF***Me after receiving some bad press over the Canadian...
BREAKING: China unveils new deadlier Dancing Panda virus at Olympic opening ceremonies
BEIJING—As promised, the new killer Chinese virus was ready for the 2022 Olympics opening ceremony, exposing everyone in attendance. Reviews...
Elite Rogan’s Rangers deployed to Ukraine armed only with deadly interviews
KYIV, UKRAINE—The elite unit Rogen’s Rangers was deployed by the Biden Pentagon in the middle of the night to the...
BREAKING: Canadian trucker protesters kill and burn innocent dogs in Ottawa
(CNN) OTTAWA—The racist trucker protests in the Canadian capital have turned violent as several participants killed and burned innocent dogs...
