BREAKING: Korean flamethrower squirrels have reached the US
Hot on the heals of the dual plagues of COVID-19 and the Asian murder hornets, Korean flamethrower squirrels have reached...
World
BREAKING: Harris reassures North Carolina hurricane victims that the US will be donating another $200 billion to Ukraine in their name
AUGUSTA, GA—In a deeply emotional press conference today, Vice President Kamala Harris addressed the people of North Carolina who are...
BREAKING: Never-before-seen photo from Tiananmen Square Massacre shows Tim Walz doing weird dance in front of tanks before being run over
In a shocking historical twist that no one saw coming (except for those watching the tanks), a never-before-seen photo has...
BREAKING: North Carolina changes its name to Ukraine to get federal funding after devastating Hurricane Helene
RALEIGH, NC—In a bold move to secure desperately needed federal funding in the wake of Hurricane Helene, North Carolina Governor...
Victims of Hurricane Helene identifying as illegal immigrants so they can get some federal aid from the Biden-Harris administration
ASHVILLE, NC—Victims of Hurricane Helene in North Carolina have discovered a clever life hack: identifying as illegal immigrants in order...
Guinness World Records awards Mossad for ‘Most Vasectomies at One Time’ surpassing 2024 Democratic Convention
In a ceremony filled with pomp and, ironically, very little circumstance, Guinness World Records awarded the Israeli Mossad the coveted...
If you don’t want your pets stolen and eaten by immigrants, you may be a racist homophobe bigot
There’s a new form of bigotry taking root in this country—one that’s just as insidious as anything we’ve seen before....
BREAKING: DOJ warns Russia ‘do not interfere with our interference of our elections’
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a rare moment of transparency, Attorney General Merrick Garland issued a stern warning to Russia to...
BREAKING: Following declining poll numbers for Kamala Harris, the WHO declares a global emergency over the monkeypox virus
NEW YORK—Following a sharp decline in Vice President Kamala Harris’s poll numbers, the World Health Organization (WHO) has declared a...
First biological cheetah who identifies as a man set to take gold for Lichtenstein at the Paris Olympics
LICHTENSTEIN—The citizens of this small alpine country in the middle of Europe are abuzz as they are set to take...
