Bondi assures Americans: ‘Epstein files coming soon—just need to blot out all the Israeli connections first’
WASHINGTON, DC—Attorney General Pam Bondi, fresh off a Florida tan and a cabinet promotion, has reassured an impatient American public...
World
Zelensky launches new reality TV show: Dancing with the Tsars in bold war-fundraising effort
In a dazzling pivot from trench warfare to twirling waltzes, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky has unveiled his latest strategy to...
BREAKING: Trump puts Zelensky in ‘time-out corner’ during explosive Oval Office meeting
Washington, D.C. – In a bizarre turn of events during a high-stakes diplomatic meeting, President Donald Trump reportedly sent Ukrainian...
BREAKING: France eager to get into Ukraine-Russia war so that they can surrender to someone soon
PARIS—France has announced that it is eager to join the ongoing conflict between Ukraine and Russia, expressing a fervent desire...
German authorities arrest man for making false claim online that there is no free speech in Germany
BERLIN, GERMANY - German authorities have arrested a local man, Hans Schmidt, for the audacious act of stating online that...
Weirdos try to play hockey in the middle of the US-Canada ice boxing match
MONTREAL—In what was supposed to be a brutal but beautiful display of ice boxing—a sport where gloved combatants duke it...
Democrats warn they may never win another election again if Trump shuts down their USAID money laundering operation
WASHINGTON, DC–In a dramatic press conference held in the shadow of the Capitol, Democratic leaders have issued a dire warning...
BREAKING: Trump halts Canadian tariffs after Trudeau agrees put “Daddy Trump” on all Canadian currency
Washington, D.C. – In a stunning display of diplomatic prowess (or what some might call sheer audacity), President Donald Trump...
BREAKING: Trump converts all USAID offices into Spirit Halloween stores following shut down
President Donald Trump has announced the conversion of all U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID) offices into Spirit Halloween stores,...
Gaza goat population explodes as Trump ends condom giveaway
Gaza City - In a surprising turn of events, Gaza's goat population is set to undergo a significant boom, following...
