WILMINGTON, DE—In order to unite the country as promised, self-proclaimed President-elect Joe Biden is taking his campaign rhetoric to the publishing house with his latest book, “How to Unite with Stupid, Inbred, Racist Nazis.”
At all of Joe Biden’s thirteen campaign stops in 2020, the Presidential candidate promised to unite the country. He hasn’t explained how he intends to do so until now. The former Vice-President gave Genesius Times an exclusive sneak peak into his latest work.
“Like I said from my basement, I will unite all Americans,” proclaimed the author. “Even if they’re part of the Trump cult. For example, see chapter one; ‘Disagreeing With Me Makes You an Awful Human Being.'”
Vice-President Biden continued describing his work unintelligibly before blurting his catchphrase, “Come on, man, trualimunamaprzure!”
“By telling Trump voters how awful they are, they will surely want to support Joe’s big government ideas,” Mrs. Jill Biden told reporters after Joe fell asleep mid-interview. “If there’s anything that unites people, it’s higher taxes and more federal laws,” she said, nudging Joe with her elbow. “Only racists disagree!”
So far, sales are better than expected. One might even say mathematically impossible. At one shop in Philadelphia, Biden has sold 120,000 copies despite only ten people entering the store. The New York Times has already declared it the best selling book of 2020.
Six of those ten customers left with copies of Donald Trump’s ‘The Art of the Deal‘.