Trump Orders All Israel Pride Flags to Be Flown at Half-Mast in Honor of Lindsey Graham’s Passing 
BREAKING: Lindsey Graham Dies After Accidentally Uttering the Word “Peace” 
Travis Kelce Announces Pregnancy Just Days after Marrying Taylor Swift 
Sneak Peak of The Odyssey with Samuel L. Jackson as Helen of Troy 
Senate Republicans Report McConnell ‘Fully Engaged,’ ‘Eager to Return’ 
AOC Expresses Profound Relief After Ilhan Omar Claims ‘Dumbest Person in Congress’ Title
WASHINGTON — Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) held a brief press availability Tuesday morning to announce that she is “finally at...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
CNN Panel: “Why is Everyone Trying to Kill Hitler?”
WASHINGTON — In the immediate aftermath of a disrupted incident at the annual White House Correspondents' Dinner, CNN moved swiftly...
Study Finds There Are 11 Types of People in this World: Those who Understand Roman Numerals and Ilhan Omar
WASHINGTON — In a breakthrough that scholars are calling “both mathematically dubious and emotionally consistent,” a new report released Tuesday...
“No Kings” crowd gives King Charles standing ovation
WASHINGTON — In a display of ideological flexibility that surprised no one, members of the “No Kings” movement rose to...
Stormtroopers Now Recruiting US Secret Service Agents After They Fail to Hit Would-Be Assassins Routh and Allen in 10 Shots
CORUSCANT — In a surprising move, the Galactic Empire announced today that it is actively recruiting members of the United...
Ilhan Omar Panics Over Missing 4pm Meeting, Because It’s ‘Already One Thousand One Hundred and Eleven O’Clock!’
Washington, D.C. — Representative Ilhan Omar (D-MN) expressed growing concern Tuesday afternoon after glancing at a conference room clock and...
Someone from the “Hate Has No Home Here” crowd just tried to kill another person again
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In yet another masterclass in non-violence and empathy, 31-year-old California teacher and engineer Cole Tomas Allen joined...
BREAKING: People who have been calling for violence targeting Trump for 10 years ‘shocked’ of all the violence targeting Trump
WASHINGTON — Prominent Democrats expressed profound surprise and concern Monday following yet another assassination attempt on President Donald J. Trump...
Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg Files Charges Against Trump for Surviving Another Assassination Attempt
NEW YORK — Following the Biden DOJ's lead and citing a “clear pattern of evading accountability,” Manhattan District Attorney Alvin...
US facing ‘massive shortage’ of conspiracy theories as all of them have come true
US—The United States declared a national emergency Tuesday after intelligence agencies confirmed what had long been whispered in dimly lit...
