Trump Promises to Give You Some of Your Money if GOP Wins 
Carney Threatens to Move Entire Country of Canada to Europe 
Netflix releases documentary on Lindsay Clancy Jury Holdout 
‘Trump Can’t Buy Me for $5,000,’ Says Local Man Who Got Experimental Jab for a Free Donut 
AOC Asks How 9/11 Victims ‘Died in Alphabetical Order’ During Memorial Reading 
Tucker Carlson Launches New ‘Everything Trump Promised He Would Do’ Party
WASHINGTON — Conservative commentator Tucker Carlson announced the formation of a new political party Thursday, promising to finally deliver on...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
AOC Sets Apartment Thermostat to 68 Degrees, Killing Six in France
PARIS — Six French citizens died amid a record heatwave in the capital this week, an event Paris Mayor Anne...
JD Vance Scores Both Goals in USMNT’s 2-0 World Cup Win Over Bosnia and Herzegovina
SAN FRANCISCO — Vice President JD Vance netted a brace Wednesday night, powering the United States Men’s National Team to...
Britons Horrified to Learn UK Rape Gangs Have Been Using Air Conditioning
LONDON — Ordinary Britons expressed shock and outrage Tuesday upon discovering that grooming gangs operating across the United Kingdom have...
If You’re Born Here, You’re a Citizen—Unless You’re an American, in Which Case You’re a Colonizer on Stolen Land
In these enlightened times, we have finally moved beyond the crude, outdated notion that birthplace confers belonging. Or rather, we...
Supreme Court Rules Babies Born in the Hospital are Automatically Licensed to Practice Medicine
Washington — In a landmark 6-3 decision, the Supreme Court held Tuesday that any child born within the confines of...
Pope Leo will only meet with SSPX once they’re in formal schism like everyone else he meets
Vatican City — Citing long-standing papal policy, Pope Leo XIV has indicated he will only meet with leaders of the...
BREAKING: Supreme Court Decides 250 Years Is ‘Long Enough’ for America
WASHINGTON—In a narrowly divided 6-3 ruling Thursday, the Supreme Court held that the United States has enjoyed a sufficient run...
BREAKING: Macron Bans Heatwaves from France
PARIS — In a decisive move to combat extreme weather, the French government under President Emmanuel Macron has issued a...
Zionists Perform “Give War a Chance” in Oval Office to Protest Iran Peace Deal
WASHINGTON — In a rare display of legislative-executive harmony, prominent Zionist figures Mark Levin, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX), and Sen....
