California reports that they could know who won the governor primary by sometime early 2028 
Talarico: ‘Preborn Babies Are Like Tapeworms and Have No Rights Unless They’re Trans, In Which Case, They Deserve to Live’ 
All Things Considered…Problematic: The Quiet Violence of Coffee 
Statue of Obama Performing an Abortion on Lady Liberty Unveiled at the Obama Presidential Library 
NFL suspends Jaxson Dart for introducing Trump instead of beating his wife like a good NFL player 
Pam Bondi’s Pedometer Stuck On ‘0’ Despite Busy Day of Pacing the Halls of Justice
Washington, D.C. — In a development that has left fitness trackers across the capital utterly perplexed, U.S. Attorney General Pam...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
SHOCK: Former Prince Andrew Has Tragically Died in Car Crash Next Week
LONDON – In a development that has left the globe reeling with predictable astonishment, Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor—formerly known to the world...
Mitch McConnell blinks twice to indicate vehement opposition to SAVE America Act
Washington, D.C. — In a dramatic escalation of nonverbal parliamentary procedure, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) today registered his...
SCOTUS rules that the federal government can only tax Americans to death—not other countries
In a landmark 6-3 decision handed down today, the Supreme Court clarified once and for all that the federal government...
Prince Andrew Converts to Islam; Police Immediately Drop All Charges
LONDON—In a move described by royal watchers as "bold, innovative, and suspiciously timed," Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor, formerly known as Prince Andrew,...
AOC: ‘We don’t need farmers. We can get all our food from the grocery store’
Everyone’s making a big deal about Dutch farmers uniting and the possibility that they may "stop working" because of the government mandates....
BREAKING: Several of the Fighting Antifa Group sprain their wrists raising their fist in power salute
PORTLAND—In what medical experts are quietly calling “peak performative socialism,” multiple frontline activists from the Fighting Antifa Group Society (FAGS)...
Obama dismisses critics who say his presidential library looks like a giant portable toilet
CHICAGO — Former President Barack Obama today brushed aside mounting criticism that his long-awaited presidential library resembles an enormous portable...
Trans Rep. McBride Wins ‘Mansplainer of the Year’ Award for Keynote at ‘What It’s Like to Be a Woman’ Conference
WASHINGTON — In a ceremony described by organizers as “both historic and inevitable,” Delaware Rep. Sarah McBride was awarded the...
Democrats Slam Trump Over Alarming Plunge in Murder Rate Across the Country
WASHINGTON — Party leaders expressed grave concern today as fresh data revealed the national murder rate has plummeted to levels...
