Local Man Arrested for Impersonating NVIDIA CEO Jensen Huang to Hook Up With Hot Chinese Spies 
‘I’m Not a Damn Monkey!’ Says Local Gorilla Demanding Taxonomic Accuracy from Ole Miss Students 
BREAKING: Epstein Island sold to wealthy Middle Eastern businessman Haadid Nahkil Muhssef 
Trump Orders New Border Wall Around Texas for When the Democrats Take Over 
Russell Brand Informs Judge ‘Those R*pes Occurred on Epstein Island;’ Charges Vacated Immediately 
NCAA Rules Michigan May Keep Playing Until They Win
INDIANAPOLIS — In an unprecedented act of sportsmanship, the NCAA announced Thursday that all University of Michigan athletic teams will...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
Local Wife Poised to Win Husband’s Fantasy Football League Again After Making Zero Moves All Season
US—A local woman is once again the early favorite to win her husband’s 12-team fantasy football league, according to last...
McConnell Eyes Next Week for First Senate Appearance Since Dying Eight Weeks Ago
WASHINGTON — Senate Republicans are preparing for Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) to return to the Capitol next week, his first...
Democrats Promise $5,001 to Every America if They Win the Majority in Midterms
WASHINGTON — Democratic leaders said Wednesday that every American would receive $5,001 if the party secures a majority in the...
What to Look for in an Online Program When Preparing for a Hands-On Career
Choosing an online program for a hands-on career is not really about finding the most convenient website or the slickest...
Mayor Mamdani to Host Inaugural Dueling Jenga Competition at 9/11 Memorial
NEW YORK — Mayor Zohran Mamdani announced Wednesday that the city will host its first official “Dueling Jenga Invitational” at...
Travis Kelce first NFL player to miss opener because he’s pregnant
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Travis Kelce will miss the Chiefs’ season opener after team physicians confirmed he is pregnant, making...
Jeffrey Dahmer exonerated after jury finds he just had a bad case of being ‘hangry’
MILWAUKEE — Jeffrey Dahmer was found not guilty Thursday after a jury concluded the deaths of 17 young men were...
Men Can Totally Get Pregnant, but They Can’t Have an Opinion About Postpartum Depression Because They Can’t Get Pregnant
I need everyone to sit down, drink some water, and stop treating other people’s uteruses like a group chat they...
Local dad proud of the beautiful grass he grew out of a crack in the driveway
US—A local father announced Monday that he has finally successfully grown “really nice grass,” pointing to a three-inch clump of...
