BREAKING: Local Farmer Alleges Ed Gallrein Barbecued Bald Eagle at Secret Ceremony 
BREAKING: Cow Claims Thomas Massie Offered Her $5k in ‘Cow Money’ to Hide His Popeyes Love 
Groundbreaking AI Study Resolves MJ vs. LeBron GOAT Debate with Empirical Simulation 
AOC: Republicans are trying to rig elections by only allowing US citizens to vote 
Trump Deploys Maintenance Crew to Correct Glaring Typo 
Bruce Springsteen threatens to make Republicans listen to his music until deportations end
In a dramatic escalation of his long-running feud with conservative America, Bruce Springsteen has issued what aides are calling his...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
JUST IN: Ilhan Omar opens ‘Quality Akting Skool’ following Oscar win
In a development that has Academy voters and conspiracy theorists alike double-checking their popcorn supplies, Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN) announced...
LIFE HACK: How to write off your involuntary donation to ‘Quality Learing Center’ on your taxes
In these trying economic times, savvy taxpayers are always on the lookout for clever ways to reduce their burden to...
BREAKING: People who want to tax cow farts are upset about Trump’s tariffs
WASHINGTON, DC—Green New Deal Democrats are reportedly fuming over President Trump’s latest tariff announcements—not because of trade imbalances or economic...
Ilhan Omar Wins Oscar for Best Performance in a Fake and Gay Staged Attack on Congressperson
HOLLYWOOD, CA — In a ceremony that managed to be both predictable and somehow still shocking, Representative Ilhan Omar was...
How Many Protesters Need to Die from Back-Alley Deportations Just Because Local Politicians Think the Procedure Should Be Banned?
In the shadow of America’s cruelest policy experiment, we must confront a grim reality: the municipal and state bans on...
Op-Ed: If Climate Change Isn’t Real, Then Why Are There No More Penguins On the North Pole?
Critics of the strategy, mostly confined to people who read past the headline, have pointed out that the last time...
GOP Announces Plan to Send Strongly-Worded Letter Demanding Why Previous Strongly-Worded Letters Have Had Zero Results
WASHINGTON — In a bold escalation of its long-running performative governance strategy, the Republican National Committee and key congressional leadership...
STAR TREK: Woketard Academy Episode 1
In the not-so-distant future of 24th-century wokeness, welcome to Star Trek: Woketard Academy — where merit is microaggression, competence is...
BREAKING: The Coexist Crowd is Destroying the City Again
Local residents received yet another masterclass in tolerance last night when downtown Minneapolis was treated to its regularly scheduled refresh...
