California reports that they could know who won the governor primary by sometime early 2028 
Talarico: ‘Preborn Babies Are Like Tapeworms and Have No Rights Unless They’re Trans, In Which Case, They Deserve to Live’ 
All Things Considered…Problematic: The Quiet Violence of Coffee 
Statue of Obama Performing an Abortion on Lady Liberty Unveiled at the Obama Presidential Library 
NFL suspends Jaxson Dart for introducing Trump instead of beating his wife like a good NFL player 
2026 Oscars replaced with 2 hours of sustained yelling at a picture of Donald Trump
In a move that even the most jaded Academy voters are calling “pure, unadulterated Oceania chic,” the Motion Picture Academy...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
2001: A Space Odyssey Remake Highlights HAL 9000 with ChatGPT Upgrade
Los Angeles, March 2026 — In a move that has already been described as “both inevitable and deeply unnecessary,” Warner...
Protestant quarterback doesn’t throw the ball because his faith alone is enough to win
In a stunning display of doctrinal consistency that left analysts scratching their helmets, Protestant quarterback Caleb Sola of the Reformation...
BREAKING: Iranian sleeper cell located in Congress
WASHINGTON, DC—In a bombshell revelation that has rocked the Capitol and ignited fevered speculation, a clandestine Iranian sleeper cell has...
GOP Offers ‘Hybrid Filibuster’ for SAVE Act Allowing Democrats to Talk Out of Their Mouths and Their Asses
WASHINGTON — In a rare display of intra-party creativity, Sen. Mike Lee (R-Utah) has quietly persuaded Senate Majority Leader John...
Gov Newsom Bans Iranian Terrorists from Destroying California: ‘Don’t Worry. I Got This’
SACRAMENTO — In a bold move to protect the Golden State's monopoly on high-stakes political theater, Governor Gavin Newsom signed...
Thune Unveils Bold Alternative to Stalled SAVE America Act: The SAVE FACE WHILE SCREWING AMERICA FOREVER Act
WASHINGTON — With the Safeguard American Voter Eligibility (SAVE) America Act now officially stuck in legislative purgatory for the third...
CNN’s This Day in Teen Tourism on Abnormally Warm Weather History: 2004 Madrid Train Massacre
On a crisp yet unseasonably pleasant early spring morning in Madrid, a group of young visitors from various backgrounds decided...
FACT CHECK: Ben Shapiro’s Eyebrows Grow in Direct Proportion to Number of Bombs Dropped in the Middle East
In a groundbreaking peer-reviewed study, researchers at the Institute for Things That Sound About Right have confirmed what internet commentators...
Don’t Let Trump Cheat in the Midterms – Demand Congress Pass the SAVE America Voter ID Act!
In these dire days, as the specter of authoritarianism engulfs our beleaguered republic, we must face a chilling reality: Donald...
