Female Athletes Outraged That Sydney Sweeney Is Sexualizing Sports 
Salem, Massachusetts To Bring Back Witch Trials Following Clancy Trial Debacle 
Trump Promises to Give You Some of Your Money if GOP Wins 
Carney Threatens to Move Entire Country of Canada to Europe 
Netflix releases documentary on Lindsay Clancy Jury Holdout 
BREAKING: Psaki tests positive for COVID; will miss Biden’s false flag assassination in Europe
WASHINGTON, DC—White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki said she tested positive for COVID-19 Tuesday so she will not be joining President* Joe Biden...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
China tests new ‘Kamikaze 737’ jet with 130 Uyghurs onboard as possible Muslim ‘final solution’
SOUTH CHINA—If you are one of 12 million Chinese Uyghurs and you win a free trip to Disneyland you might...
ALERT: FBI seeks public’s help finding Science who has been missing for weeks
WASHINGTON, DC—The FBI is seeking the public's help in finding the man known as Science, who as been missing for...
FBI says ‘the Big Guy’ in Hunter’s emails was comedian Louie Anderson not Joe Biden
WASHINGTON, DC--Emails by the Federal Bureau of Investigation reveal explicit conversations between Hunter Biden and the comedian, Louie Anderson they...
BREAKING: Women with big hairy balls continue to dominate women without big hairy balls in sports
ATLANTA—Lia Thomas has become the first transgender athlete to win a National Collegiate Athletic Association swimming championship - but she...
EXCLUSIVE: Horrifying video shows Ukraine on fire after Russian attack
KYIV—Most of the news out of Ukraine has been fake, but Genesius Times has obtained an exclusive video of the...
Nuclear missile repairman #1 on 2022 Top Ten Jobs list, first time since 1957
What are the top skills employers are looking for in 2022? Genesius Times has them rated, based on a poll...
Justin Trudeau banned from Russia; can’t return new babushka
MOSCOW—Russian officials banned Justin Trudeau from entry to the country, cancelling an upcoming meeting scheduled months ago. The Prime Minister...
Beto O’Rourke volunteers to fight for Ukraine with battalion of NERF gun sharpshooters
EL PASO—Failed presidential candidate Beto O'Rourke is flying to the Ukraine to join the fight against the Russians with a...
COVID-positive Barack Obama will social distance from Michelle for another 4 years
MARTHA'S VINEYARD-- After testing positive for COVID-19, former President Barack Obama says he will continue to social distance from Michelle,...
