Ilhan Omar Launches New Dating App: Incestry.Com 
Haiti Demands the US Stop Sending Back Haitian Doctors and Engineers That Were Helping the US 
Brazil Supreme Court Rules Leftists May Continue Voting Until They Win 
Talarico Polling Near 100 Percent Among Texas Lizard People 
Biblical Scholars Now Conclude Eve Answered “Not to My Knowledge” When Asked About the Fruit 
Elon Musk buys Motel 6 to build first motel on Mars
CARROLTON, TX—Elon Musk announced the purchase of Motel 6 from the Blackstone Group, this morning. He said the nationwide, popular...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
Biden promises to fix baby formula shortage by sending more weapons to Ukraine
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden addressed the "shocking" baby formula shortage in the US by sending more weapons to Ukraine. "Really...
Zelensky assures US that 10% of $40B aid package will go to the ‘Big Guy’
KYIV—Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelensky has agreed to a peace deal effectively ending the Ukraine-Russia war immediately following the deposit of...
Psaki says parents who can’t find baby formula ‘should have just had an abortion’
WASHINGTON, DC—Outgoing White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki said that parents who are having trouble finding baby formula amid a...
Lightfoot adds bloody aborted fetuses and bullet holes to official Chicago city flag
CHICAGO—Democratic Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot is vowing that her city will be an "oasis" for abortions if Roe v. Wade is overturned, going as...
White House selects Baghdad Bob to replace Jen Psaki as press secretary
WASHINGTON, DC—The White House has hired austere press relations master Baghdad Bob to replace outgoing Press Secretary Jen Psaki. President* Joe...
Biden denies 2000 mules were used in 2020 election fraud; says ‘it was more like 5000’
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has responded to the bombshell documentary 2000 Mules, which alleges there were 2000 ballot traffickers in...
Jen Psaki leaves bat-sh*t crazy White House to join just moderately psychotic MSNBC
WASHINGTON, DC—Jen Psaki says she will seek ‘a boatload of R&R and lots of drugs.” to re-acclimate into a normal...
Democrats promise to fix all the nation’s problems by killing more babies
WASHINGTON, DC—In the face of crashing stock markets and skyrocketing inflation, Democrats have promised to kill more babies, outgoing White...
Elon Musk secretly buys 51% of all passwords, will soon control internet
ZURICH—The GPO, Global Password Organization, announced on May 5th, World Password Day, that Elon Musk, the SpaceX and Tesla entrepreneur,...