Ilhan Omar Launches New Dating App: Incestry.Com 
Haiti Demands the US Stop Sending Back Haitian Doctors and Engineers That Were Helping the US 
Brazil Supreme Court Rules Leftists May Continue Voting Until They Win 
Talarico Polling Near 100 Percent Among Texas Lizard People 
Biblical Scholars Now Conclude Eve Answered “Not to My Knowledge” When Asked About the Fruit 
Ukraine troops wash, wax, vacuum tanks; get ready for capture
UKRAINE—Major General Victor Nikolyuk, Northern Commander ordered all Ukrainian armored vehicles to be vacuumed and washed. “When the Russians capture...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
Trudeau declares war on truckers; leads cavalry of inflatable unicorns to take out bouncy castle
OTTAWA—Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has declared war on the trucker convoy for freedom in Canada and is leading a cavalry...
POLL: Who do you trust more with public health: Dr. Fauci or Dr. Dre?
After a strong performance on the National Stage during Super Bowl LVI, Dr. Dre is making the case for the...
BLM activists topple Frederick Douglass statue after learning he voted for Trump
NEW YORK—Black Lives Matter protesters have torn down a statue of 19th century abolitionist Freedrick Douglass after learning that not...
In effort to be more green, China switches from gas-powered artificial snow makers to 100% slave labor
BEIJING—After several environmentalist groups applied pressure to China about its use of fossil-fuel-powered snow makers to produce snow for the...
Eminem sacrifices two goats to Moloch in annual Illuminati halftime show
LOS ANGELES—The annual Illuminati initiation ritual, also known as the Super Bowl LVI Halftime show, featured an unprecedented number of...
BREAKING: Biden sends $80B in weapons to Ukraine to leave behind for Russia when we withdraw
WASHINGTON, DC--Following his stellar exit strategy that worked flawlessly in Afghanistan, President* Biden is sending over $80 billion in military-grade...
Trudeau: ‘These fascist truckers are promoting dangerous ideas like ending fascism’
OTTAWA—Snowy but mostly violent protests continue to erupt throughout Canada as white supremacist truckers of all races hold makeshift signs...
BREAKING: Pelosi Bill to Fund Beer Coozie Delivery to Alcoholics
WASHINGTON, DC—Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi proposed a bill today to fund the distribution of beer coozies to alcoholics...
Biden admin to require proof of vaccination to receive free crack
WASHINGTON, DC—The Biden administration has made it clear that proof of full vaccination will be required to receive the administration's...