Bernie declares eating $6.2 million duct-taped bananas a human right to be paid for by government 
Jaguar introduces new car to match its new ad campaign 
BREAKING: I was raped by whoever Trump selects for one of his cabinet positions 
BREAKING: Elon Musk buys MSNBC to constantly air video of Alex Jones giving Morning Joe and Mika noogies 
CNN: Startled by Loud Noises, President Kennedy Trips and Falls in Limousine 
Democrats honor Margaret Sanger by wearing ‘white-supremacy white’ to State of the Union
Democratic women House members — from Speaker Nancy Pelosi down to freshman Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Ilhan Omar— showed up...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
BREAKING: Jennifer Lopez wins Iowa Caucus
The chaos in the Iowa Caucus has resulted in a complete change of the Democratic party elections. While Donald Trump...
Iowa Caucus results delayed due to DNC using Common Core math to tally votes
The first election of 2020 devolved into chaos Monday night as the results of Iowa’s Democratic caucuses were delayed indefinitely as...
BREAKING: Hillary Clinton admits servers for Iowa caucus located in Chappaqua
Genesius Times breaking news reporter, Imonit Ritenow, has uncovered stunning secret documents and satellite images. They reveal Democrat-run servers being...
Iowan Dems scramble to find a candidate who doesn’t actually suck
For over a year, Iowans have hosted campaign stops by over three thousand Democratic presidential hopefuls in effort to prove...
To raise awareness during Super Bowl, Shakira used the same rope that Epstein used when he didn’t kill himself
During the most meaningful and poignant Super Bowl halftime show ever, singer and performer Shakira raised awareness during her rope...
BREAKING: Ben and Jerry’s “Peach-Mint” recalled after attempting to suicide over 63 million people
Genesius Times food critic, Buffet Bill Scaletopper, has been given another exclusive, revealing Ben and Jerry's newest and most disgusting...
Super Bowl halftime show protests sex trafficking in bold pole dance
Sex trafficking is a growing concern with hundreds of thousands reportedly being held against their will around the globe. Recent...
Democrats demand that Russia stops interfering in the elections they’re trying to rig
As the Iowa Caucuses draw near, top Democrats are demanding that Russia stops interfering in the elections they're trying to...
Shakira to sacrifice two goats in annual Illuminati halftime show
MIAMI—The annual Illuminati initiation ritual, also known as the Super Bowl half time show, will feature an unprecedented number of...
