Bernie declares eating $6.2 million duct-taped bananas a human right to be paid for by government 
Jaguar introduces new car to match its new ad campaign 
BREAKING: I was raped by whoever Trump selects for one of his cabinet positions 
BREAKING: Elon Musk buys MSNBC to constantly air video of Alex Jones giving Morning Joe and Mika noogies 
CNN: Startled by Loud Noises, President Kennedy Trips and Falls in Limousine 
Ocasio-Cortez enlists first cow-fart police to combat global warming
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has started implementing her Green New Deal already, before any congressional approval or without any rational second opinion....
Satire That’s Truer Than News
Feminists demand to be a part of Boy Scouts so they could exclude themselves from Boy Scouts
Feminists around the country have completed the most useless display of political correctness witnessed in the history of personkind last...
Socialist ‘nice guys’ demand redistribution of women
This past weekend, thousands of protesters from the ‘Nice Guy Socialist Coalition’ marched on the Capitol to demand Congress pass...
EXCLUSIVE: Russian hackers fill Dem primary with utterly despicable people
U.S.—Russian hackers responsible for making Trump president in 2016 are at it again for the 2020 election, again relying on...
Cardinal Dolan doesn’t see a good reason to excommunicate Lucifer
New York Catholic Archbishop Timothy Dolan argued that excommunicating the fallen angel Lucifer would be counterproductive because the pro-abortion demon...
STUDY: 67% of employees still trying to escape conversation with chatty coworkers
U.S.—A new study conducted by the CDC has found that almost 70% of all office workers are currently attempting to...
Ocasio-Cortez’ Green New Deal requires everyone hold their breath 4 hours a day
New York Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who recently announce the world is going to end in 12 years if we don't...
Democrats endure 4th circle of Hell as Trump spouts basic, undeniable truths in SOTU
For hours, congressional Democrats wore frowny faces and tortured scowls as they listened to President Donald Trump promote horrific things...
BREAKING: Disney leaks new Star Wars title: ‘Episode IX: The Search for More Money’
After a monumental flop in Star Wars franchise history for the eighth installment, Disney has leaked the new Star Wars...
Pro-choice Democrats celebrate forebear Margaret Sanger in ‘white-supremacy white’
Democratic women House members — from Speaker Nancy Pelosi down to freshman Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez — showed up to Trump’s...
