SHOCKING: People near death at nursing homes are near death when hospitalized

OK, the first question you have to ask yourself: “How many nursing homes in Disneyland?” Water parks for the bedridden? And what about all those signs as you enter the coasters, “If you are over 120 and can’t chew oatmeal you can’t ride.” Can you say whole grain discrimination?

Nursing homes are scary. Period. We should rename them Hotel Californias, “You can check out any time you like but you can never leave.”

But you know what’s even scarier? Hospitals. Superbug city. Noise machines. Blaring loudspeakers. “Paging Dr. B.J. Hardik, Dr. B.J. Hardik please.” True, they have gourmet food and awesome entertainment which is why the waiting lists are so long.

“Ah yes, do you have a reservation sir?…” Well uh, sorry, my wife called earlier… Sorry, we can’t bed you right now but had you called earlier we may have fit you in…..but is an ICU bed available?…. Sorry, maybe you can catch a ventilator at the bar.”

Perillo tours, eat your heart out. You could only dream of the enchanting vacation opportunities available at your local hospital. “Swimming pools, movie stars, well the first thing ‘ya know old Jed’s a…… Sorry, got carried away.

So here’s the deal; you uproot these people, hospitalize them, deprive them of sleep and privacy, and you’re going to push them over the edge and kill them, COVID or not. Intubate these people, most die, and we’re supposed to be surprised?

Now if I could just call my local hospital to-go counter and get some of that turkey slice/masked potato/green bean/jello delivered. Hello, Reservations?