AOC: ‘I don’t need coal-burning power plants. I get all my electricity from the wall’
People are so stupid. I don't know who needs to hear this, but burning coal is so 2021. We really...
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
Ocasio-Cortez to overturn the law of gravity because it’s ‘oppressing us’
WASHINGTON, DC—Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez made another bold legislative move promising to overturn the law of gravity because, "it's oppressing us." "When...
Lizzo urges fans to vote to overturn the law of gravity which is ‘oppressing us’
US—Obese singer Lizzo used her moment in the spotlight at MTV’s Video Music Awards (VMAs) to urge her fans to...
AOC reports she’s in stable condition after the assassination attempt on Salman Rushdie’s life
WASHINGTON, DC—US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has reported that she is in stable condition today after the assassination attempt on author...
AOC says she was ‘just kidding about the Green New Deal’ as she pumps the AC to 72°
US Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has been making the case for reducing fossil fuels use and reducing one’s carbon footprint. But she recently...
BREAKING: FBI investigating invisible noose found in AOC’s office
WASHINGTON, DC—The FBI has sent 15 agents to investigate an invisible noose found in US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's office yesterday....
BREAKING: Biden has AOC’s bug eyes surgically implanted to look more alert
WASHINGTON, DC—After much criticism of Biden's squinting and looking half-dead, the president has undergone surgery to implant Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's eyes...
AOC identifies as being handcuffed in pro-abortion insurrection
WASHINGTON, DC--Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) has identified as being handcuffed during pro-abortion insurrection at the US Supreme Court. As the Daily...
97% of climate scientists say that the world has already ended and that everyone is dead
US—A new poll by the Pew Pew Institute has confirmed what many have suspected for some time: 97 percent of climate...
AOC’s husband miffed that she just wants to date Alex Stein
WASHINGTON, DC—Following a harrowing experience on the Capitol steps in which she was nearly murdered, US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has...
