Biden assures Americans trapped in Afghanistan he won’t send any mean tweets
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden finally promised the 10-15,000 Americans still trapped in Afghanistan that they don't need to worry about...
Joe Biden
Missing Joe Biden will now be featured on milk cartons
US—Milk carton manufacturers will be featuring a picture of President* Joe Biden on their packaging in an effort to find...
CNN: Q Anon has overtaken Kabul
KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—The Q Anon Shaman was seen in pictures taken at the Afghanistan Presidential Palace after he and other white...
BREAKING: Biden rolls out new neck seatbelt mandate
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden announced today a new national mandate for neck seatbelts in all cars for all ages. The...
Apple shuts down child abuse scan project after only finding pictures of Joe Biden
CUPERTINO, CA—Electronics behemoth Apple has announced it is shutting down a brand new program to scan US phones for child...
BREAKING: Andrew Cuomo calls for Joe Biden to resign
ALBANY, NY—Just hours after President* Joe Biden called for New York Governor Andrew Cuomo to resign following a report found...
Charges on Cuomo dropped after he agrees to harass at least 50% transwomen from now on
ALBANY, NY–Just hours after President* Joe Biden and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi called for New York Governor Andrew...
Local stores completely sold out of 9mm vaccine passports
SPRINGFIELD—All area stores have completely sold out if their supply of 9mm vaccine passports amid a nation-wide shortage. The shortage...
Vaccine passports are a form of ID and blacks can’t get IDs so vax passports are racist
Ladies and gentlemen, vaccine passports are racist. It's been well established that marginalized peoples cannot, I repeat, CANNOT get driver's...
Jill Biden has sharp object removed from foot after stepping on Hunter’s crack pipe
WASHINGTON, DC—First Lady* Dr. Jill Biden had a sharp object removed from her left foot by doctors at Walter Reed...
