Biden Stepping Down ‘Since Assassinating My Opponent Didn’t Work’
In what some Democrats are calling a “stutter” and a “goof”, President* Biden said his main reason for stepping out...
Donald Trump
BREAKING: Biden has been informed that he definitely doesn’t want to run for president anymore
WASHINGTON, DC—In a surprising twist, President* Joe Biden has been informed that he no longer wants to run for president...
BREAKING: AOC claims that she was nearly killed by news that Trump wasn’t assassinated
WASHINGTON, DC—In a shocking turn of events, Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC) has claimed that she was nearly killed by the...
BREAKING: Biden credits the COVID vaccine for him only getting a mild case of dementia
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a surprising turn of events, President Joe Biden held a press conference today to express his...
BREAKING: The Secret Service has investigated itself and found they did nothing wrong
WASHINGTON, DC—The United States Secret Service has completed a thorough internal investigation and astonishingly found itself to be completely blameless...
BREAKING: Secret Service Director Cheatle says they can’t protect Trump anymore because there are sloped roofs everywhere
WASHINGTON, DC—In an unprecedented announcement, US Secret Service Director Kimberly Cheatle has declared that the agency can no longer provide...
BREAKING: Trump shocks nation by picking Sydney Sweeney as VP: ‘Finally, a VP Worth Watching’
MILWAULKEE—“Yes, it’s true. Sydney Sweeney is going to be my running mate,” Trump declared at a press conference at the...
BREAKING: Trump selects clone of himself as VP: ‘He’s the only one I can trust’
MILWAULKEE—Former President Donald Trump has announced his vice-presidential pick for the 2024 election: a clone of himself. “Yes, it’s true....
FBI launches investigation into the Angel of God who interfered in assassination attempt on Trump
In a move that has left theologians and conspiracy theorists equally bewildered, the FBI has announced an investigation into the...
BREAKING: Trump hires Rooftop Koreans to beef up security after Secret Service failure
In a bold and unexpected move, former President Donald Trump has announced the hiring of the famed "Rooftop Koreans" to...
