Justice Sotomayor ‘pretty sure’ Omicron has killed every American already
WASHINGTON, DC—Arguable the most intelligent Supreme Court Justice if not most intelligent person in the world, Sonia Sotomayor was disappointed...
Dr. Anthony Fauci
Fauci ‘feeling fine’ after latest booster
WASHINGTON, DC—America's Doctor, Dr. Anthony Fauci, says he's "feeling fine" following the latest COVID booster shot, which involves dozens of...
CDC releases new ‘mood ring’ that tells what COVID variant you have
ATLANTA—The US Centers for Disease Control and Promotion (CDC) are experts at science and all the science-y things. They come...
Generous Americans donate their vaccines to undocumented immigrants
US—Millions of generous Americans are forgoing their COVID vaccines to make sure that the millions of undocumented immigrants pouring in...
Fauci cancels Christmas so he won’t have to go back to North Pole to make toys
WASHINGTON, DC—Chief medical adviser to US President* Joe Biden, diminutive Dr. Anthony Fauci has decided to cancel Christmas this year...
BREAKING: Biden to replace Christmas with 12 variants of Coronamas
WASHINGTON, DC—Due to the rise of gas prices, an increase in inflation, and overall economic failure, the the Biden administration...
BREAKING: Dr. Fauci announces the Ermahgerd variant
WASHINGTON, DC—Dr. Anthony Fauci, leading US doctor of all things medical and sciencey has just announced a new horrible variant...
Waukesha terrorist named Time Person of the Year for 2021
NEW YORK—Time Magazine has followed up the 2020 Person of the Year (Joe Biden and Kamala Harris) with an even...
Disney recasts Star Wars with Fauci as Princess Leia
HOLLYWOOD—This Christmas, Disney has a treat for us: the re-re-release of Star Wars with Dr. Anthony Fauci staring as Princess...
BREAKING: US proposes new lockdown to stop the Omicron variant
US—Citizens across the US proposed new lockdown measures in the face of the scary-sounding Omicron coronavirus variant. "It's pretty clear...
