Walmart now offering free COVID anal swabs before shopping
BENTONVILLE, AR—In the interest of making the shopping experience for everyone as safe as can be, Walmart Supercenters will now...
Dr. Anthony Fauci
BREAKING: Biden selects Dr. Pepper to lead Coronavirus Task Force
WASHINGTON, DC—NBC news reports that President-elect Joe Biden has selected Dr. Pepper to lead his Coronavirus Task Force, replacing Dr....
The Dead Voter nominated for Time Person of the Year
The Dead Voter, one of the most important components to the ongoing 2020 presidential election, has been nominated as Time...
IRS grants tax exempt status to Branch Covidians, fastest growing religion in US
US—In just a few short months our newest religion the Church of Covid has grown to the status of millions...
STUDY: Face masks that completely prevent you from breathing are the most effective against COVID
There are now so many ways to prevent COVID-19 from spreading it's a wonder we hear about it any more....
Branch Covidians apply for official religion status
WASHINGTON DC—The Branch Covidian cult has applied to be recognized an official religion with the federal government. "We are just...
Archeologists discover first probable coronavirus victim
ATLANTA—Archeologists working in coordination with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have discovered the first probably coronavirus victim...
Fauci to lead new COVID Inquisition Panel
The United States Supreme Court today has ordained that any mention of the malaria cure known as Hydroxychloroquine curing someone...
COVID-19 down in Sweden thanks to invisible face masks
STOCKHOLM—The nation of Sweden has embarked on a very different response to the COVID-19 pandemic. Many other nations have taken...
Fauci: You must give yourself a swirly to prevent catching the coronavirus
Are you prepared to do your part in combating the coronavrius epidemic? The esteemed expert of immunology and overlord of...
