Several unemployed actors you’ve never heard of threaten to leave Twitter over Musk takeover
SILICON VALLEY, CA—It's getting bad at Twitter after several ugly, unemployed actors that you've never heard of have threatened to...
Elon Musk
Elon Musk shatters world record after going 12 hours without killing himself after publicly insulting Hillary Clinton
TWITVILLE, CA—Austere billionaire businessman Elon Musk has shattered the world record after going a full 12 hours without killing himself...
BREAKING: Biden sends $40B in military aid to Twitter execs following Elon Musk annexation
SILICON VALLEY, CA—US President* Joe Biden has sent over $40 billion in military aid and weapons to Twitter executives following...
BREAKING: Violent hate speech rampant on Twitter just hours after Elon Musk’s takeover
SILICON VALLEY, CA—Just hours after International Man of Mystery Elon Musk's takeover of the bastion of progressive propaganda Twitter, violent...
BREAKING: Elon Musk offers to buy embattled Ukraine for $44 billion too
AUSTIN—Just hours after the world's wealthiest person Elon Musk agreed to let the purchase of embattled social media company Twitter...
Elongate: SpaceX employee complains about Elon Musk’s huge rocket
AUSTIN—A former SpaceX employee is complaining about CEO Elon Musk's huge rocket in a scandal that has been dubbed "Elongate"....
Elon Musk buys Motel 6 to build first motel on Mars
CARROLTON, TX—Elon Musk announced the purchase of Motel 6 from the Blackstone Group, this morning. He said the nationwide, popular...
Elon Musk secretly buys 51% of all passwords, will soon control internet
ZURICH—The GPO, Global Password Organization, announced on May 5th, World Password Day, that Elon Musk, the SpaceX and Tesla entrepreneur,...
Elon Musk buys Kim Kardashian and Kanye West to fix their marriage
Elon Musk announced his most recent multi-billion dollar purchases: Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. “I invested in the West-Kardashian marriage...
BREAKING: People who think men can get pregnant are worried Elon Musk will allow misinformation on Twitter
US—People who think men can get pregnant are worried that Elon Musk will allow misinformation on Twitter, sources say. "We're...
