BREAKING: Pope Francis names George Floyd patron saint of fentanyl
THE VATICAN—Pope Francis announced today that following the conviction of Derek Chauvin, George Floyd was a martyr of social justice...
George Floyd
Minneapolis PD to start arresting random white people in reparations for George Floyd murder
MINNEAPOLIS—As part of the Derek Chauvin conviction for murdering George Floyd, the Minneapolis Police Department has been ordered to start...
The Genesius Times Official BLM Protesting How-to Guide
As last year's Nike's go out of style, it's time to replace them with riot protest season upon us. Genesius...
BREAKING: Biden makes it illegal to arrest any Person of Color for any crime ever
WASHINGTON, DC—Following the trial of Derek Chauvin who was charged with making George Floyd "eat too many drugs" before getting...
George Floyd Celebrates 300 Days of Sobriety
MINNEAPOLIS, MN—George Floyd, Patron Saint in the Church of Woke, celebrates 300 consecutive drug-free days today. Mr. Floyd famously quit...
NBA to replace ‘all that basketball stuff’ with a 60-minute virtue signaling competition
ORLANDO—The NBA season is set to resume next week in Orlando, Florida, and the league’s court is ready for what...
Tear-gassed protesters discover face masks don’t work
PORTLAND—Thousands of tear-gassed protesters from across the country are discovering that their face masks don't work when they get a...
Disney renames Main St USA George Floyd Blvd; declares it Antifa autonomous zone
ALTA VISTA, FL—Disney has renamed Main Street USA George Floyd Boulevard and declared the surrounding area a communist autonomous zone...
NFL to replace first half of 2020 games with live performance of Hamilton the musical
The NFL, in its latest step amid the national unrest and protests since the May 25 death of George Floyd,...
CHAZ/CHOP protesters back to occupying their parents’ basements again
SEATTLE—After Seattle Mayor Jenny Durkan ruthlessly took back the perfect communist utopia of Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone (CHAZ, also known...
