CNN: How Biden finally found and killed Osama bin Laden
WASHINGTON, DC—Before he gave the order to kill notorious terrorist Osama bin Laden, President* Joe Biden wanted to intimately understand what his...
Joe Biden
BREAKING: Biden makes ‘State of Emergency’ the 51st state of the Union
WASHINGTON, DC—In an unprecedented move, President* Joe Biden has unilaterally made "State of Emergency" the 51st state of the Union—a...
BREAKING: China threatens to cut Pelosi off from vodka if she lands in Taiwan
BEIJING—A senior official in Beijing has pulled out all the stops in trying to prevent a US Speaker of the...
JUST IN: White House Press Secretary replaced by a literal gaslight
WASHINGTON, DC—After acknowledging the difficulty in constantly gaslighting the American public about everything from the economy to the war in...
Biden Administration Changes the Definition of ‘Dementia’
As Americans continue to question President Biden's mental fitness and competency, the White House proudly announced updates to the Department...
BREAKING: Biden has AOC’s bug eyes surgically implanted to look more alert
WASHINGTON, DC—After much criticism of Biden's squinting and looking half-dead, the president has undergone surgery to implant Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's eyes...
FACT CHECK: It’s perfectly normal to not blink for several minutes straight
(CNN) WASHINGTON, DC—Several conspiracy theories have emerged following a social media post by President Joe Biden in which he doesn't...
Biden: ‘What we’re seeing is the most diverse, inclusive, and equitable recession in history’
US—President* Joe Biden has addressed the negative GDP growth in consecutive quarters saying, "What we’re seeing is the most diverse,...
BREAKING: Biden accidentally signs executive order doubling all student debt
WASHINGTON, DC—In a rare gaff, President Joe Biden accidentally signed an executive order doubling all student loan debt. "This is...
BREAKING: Biden tests negative for IQ, experiencing mild symptoms
WASHINGTON, DC--President* Joe Biden said Thursday that he's tested negative for IQ but will continue to work while in isolation...
