Twitter bans Twitter for allowing CDC tweets contradicting CDC


TWATVILLE, CA—Social media behemoth Twitter has been banned indefinitely from its own platform for violating its community standards of not allowing anyone to contradict the Centers for Disease Control and Propagation (CDC).

“CDC Head Rochelle Walensky recently tweeted that COVID vaccinees can spread COVID just as much as the unvaccinated, contradicting her earlier statement that people vaccinated from COVID cannot spread the disease. Therefore, anyone who tweets about Walensky or a CDC spokesperson speaking violates our rule against ever contradicting the CDC,” Twitter CEO Jagoff Dorsey said in a post posted on the competitor website

Twitter is the leading corporation in the fight for more censorship since it controls a majority of the obnoxious liberals typing loudly in the world.

“It’s a matter of life and death,” Dorsey said. “If you contradict the CDC, you’re going to kill people with COVID-19, so we must listen to the CDC, especially when they contradict themselves. Therefore, we had no choice but to ban ourselves for contradicting our own terms of service.”

Following the decision, President* Biden appointed Dorsey to head his newly formed Ministry of Truth led by Facebook’s Mark Zuckerface, and YouTube’s Karen Wojacksy.


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